[emma cee]

Hi Benjamin

I would like to apologise as I havenít actually read your book yet(as it would be hard to hide from my family) but would really appreciate your advice on the following.

I know am only 17 but i dont feel like it. Am stuck doing the same thing every day and am so board of it. My life is the tv (i know how sad that sounds!) i dont have much of a social life which i should at my age!!. It doesnt help when you have a older sister 19 who is the life and soul of every party, she goes out atleast twice a week and has a laugh it makes me so jealous i wish i had her life. She has loads and loads of money the prefect body and greats looks.Oh yea and she gets treated like a princess at home and i just feel like a slave to her and my mum. My dad is the only one in the house who treats me a) like an individual B) for who i am. My mum is forever comparing me to my sister and why i am not more like her which really really annoys me. My sister cant put i a foot wrong in my house, she treats the place like a hotel and gets away with it. Where as me i cant do a thing right in my mums eyes.The only time we get on is when my sister is not around. I am so glad i still go to school so i can escaped from the house and my mum. I get along with everyone in my house as long as there on there OWN! other wise its like hell!!!!.I hate the 3 months after christmas is soo awkward in my family everything bad happens around that time of year its like were cursed for atleast 3-4 years running something terrible has happened.I feel really bad for being excited in march as its by birthday at the start of the month and feels like it gets over shadowed.

I would be happy if that was my only problem but its not i havent told anyone i feel like this because jus recently my cousin try to kill himself and now has bio polar.This really effected my dad badly and still is. So now am to scared to tell him this as am scared that he will have a breakdown or something worst. Also because i dont want them to act differently around me. I have so many things i would like to talk about but cant.

I would love to come talk to you in person but i live in scotland and i dont know how i would get down to see you.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want my life back!!!

[Benjamin Fry]

If you feel that you need to start talking, don't let anything stop you. Let other people have their reactions. Don't guess what they might be.

You could start here, in this forum if you like. It sounds like you know that's going to be the way to start helping yourself.

[emma cee]

thanks for replying

But that is easier said than done as i dont feel like i have anyone i can really trust that much to confide in. As i know with my parents and sister they will tell each other and other family members that is why i would refer talk to someone they dont know.

When i had seen you had wrote back i was actually to scared to read it at first because i havent let myself think about this for ages and i was scared of what u might have wrote as i never imagined that i would tell anyone this especially not you.

please reply
emma x

[Benjamin Fry]

well you can see how frightening it is to talk. so it's easier to find reasons not to talk, such as there being no-one to talk to. but really there are always people to talk to if you can find the courage to talk. that's the trick.

you can start by saying here what it is that you're so afraid to say out loud to another adult.

[emma cee]

I started writing everything down yesterday and i had done bout half a page talking bout how my nan and grandpa died that's how we ended up living here and what i want to do with my life but cant and then realise that loads of other people must have problems in there life but they dont let them stop them from living there lives so why cant i. Also what makes me so special why cant i get on with my life since everyone else manages to do it!!

[Benjamin Fry]

because you are not everyone. don't beat yourself up. just express yourself. and listen.

[aady]

Since you are not everybody. Do not beat yourself up. Just convey yourself. And listen.
_____________________________
aady
http://www.mydebtconsolidation.name

[emma cee]

i want to write something here, i want to share my problems and tell people what they are but everytime i try to start writing them down i cant seem to bring myself to do it. I have to fight with myself to even get on this page let alone actually write something. Its not that i dont know what to say its where to start. I have hundreds of things to say whizzing away onside my head but its how to let them out that i cant seem to do.

It was the other day at work that i realised that i dont have anyone who really understands me because i dont let anyone get close enough to know about all this stuff that am writing and thats probably what i want most! someone i can talk to and trust and know that they get what am talking about and understands me!

[emma cee]

I realised the other day that i have a very critical sister which is really bad as she is always putting me down and she never likes anything i do say or wear which gets very tiring. especially as she seems to get some kind of kick out of doing it and is always looking to get a rise out of me and get me annoyed. She cant go without a day of be critical towards be she nevers ties to break the news gently she just comes out with it and doesnt seem to care if hurts me or not although i think she prefers it if it does hurt me she nevers wants me to look better than her so she will just slag of what am wearing which always makes me think twice about what am wearing and if it reallys does look good on me or not and i just cant be bothered with it anymore.

Emma x

[Benjamin Fry]

It is good that you are beginning to notice these things and communicate about them. The more you do it the easier it will become.

[emma cee]

The only thing in my life I feel that I can really control is when I go to bed and when I get up. So no matter what am doing the next day I will not go to bed before 12 at night even if am very very tired which is not good especially when I have to get up at 7:30 the next day for school which them means am tired for the rest of the day and unless I actually fall asleep watching the tv or something then am generally tired all the time. Which is why i drink so much diet coke as its the only thing i like that has caffeine in it. Am so tired right now but i dont want to go to bed even tho its like 1:30am and i have work in like 15hours!.
emma x

[Benjamin Fry]

What do you think you should do about that?

[emma cee]

Hi

i should jus go to bed and stop being such a kid about it, if am tired am tired and there is nothing i can do about it.

i sounded so stupid in that last post, i sounded like a stupid kid who doesnt have real problems but i do its just when i try to write them down they dont come out right.
I can get depressed and angry very easily both end up making be feel like shit. Music can help me to relax in these situations but i feel like i relay on it a bit to much. There is this girl in my year at school who can get me so annoyed just by being in the same room as me and it doesnt help that she sits with us at lunch. I just dont seem to have any patience with her and i dont know why. This tends to be when i relay on my ipod to help through lunch without getting annoyed with her. I hope i didnt sound to much like a kid as this can really really get me annoyed and ruin the rest of my day.

emma x

[Benjamin Fry]

Yes, more than anything you need to stop the "behaviour" and start expressing yourself with words, however hard it is. I suggest starting with a trained proffessional.