[MissUndisciplined]

Dear All

I have read lots of posts on here tonight and I cannot tell you how much better I feel that I am not alone! I'm 28 and over the last ten years I have been in a cycle of continually paying off debts, getting into more debt in the process, consolidating my debts and then starting again (I've done this about three times now). I have only just realised that I have a serious problem and that my debt situation (currently £10,000) is never going to go away unless I start taking responsibility for it and STOP SPENDING!

My problem is that I've never been able to say no to myself. I went without for much of my childhood (which had some very sad times), so since becoming an adult I have been unable to deny myself anything. I work very hard and feel that I deserve to be happy, and these little 'treats' make me happy (at least for a short while - why on earth I bought a tennis skirt I will never understand!) I never spend a lot in one go, maybe £20 for a meal here, £20 on a new top (never designer stuff), but doing that a lot quickly leads to £1,000 debt! Also, I've been renting on my own for over a year now which is a ridiculous extravagance in London. Of course, I'm pretty sure I could find an excuse for that too - I am a master of justifying expenses!

Anyway, I have finally admitted that I'm in trouble to my partner and my friends, embarrassing as that was (yet in my head I was still screaming out excuses - it's very hard to stop doing that!) They are all relieved that I have acknowledged the problem and have been really supportive about getting me to change my life around. I cannot believe that I never thought it was my fault, even though it's clearly been me handing over the debit/credit cards all this time.

So, I have decided to take positive action. I'm moving out of my much-loved flat in January to go back to flat-sharing. I've cancelled my gym membership and my DVD subscription. I've stopped buying any clothes (I don't have loads but really - I have enough to get by!), I've stopped having restaurant lunches and I've cut right back on going out. I've also decided not to buy any christmas presents this year which is really not fun, but hey - the bank's money is not my money!

When I first made this decision (about a week ago), I felt very sad about letting go of my little luxuries, but the thought of getting back to black (at least clearing the £1,600 overdraft to start with) is so liberating!

Is anyone else out there in the middle of changing their lives for the better? I'd love to hear how you're getting on. As I'm right at the beginning, I'm worried about slipping off the wagon, but somehow it feels different this time.

[Benjamin Fry]

well done! You have covered two of the basics: admitting the problem to yourself and asking for help from others. Consider a week of cold turkey - just live on 50 pounds. Also ask some really hard questions about your emotional issues from your background. Good luck. Benjamin

[crappotheclown]

You're not alone, from what I can see in the news, more and more people are getting into debt, mainly due to the buy now pay later mentality that most people these days have. I'm sure you can find plenty of different stories on here that you can relate to.
I just wanted to say good luck and don't forget to post how you're doing!
xxxxxx

[b_beth]

Hi,

Don't give up your treats entirely, just change them.
You can give yourself a pedicure or facial. Certainly Jay did a programme where they made face packs. If you feed something like that in to one of the forums under 'www.moneysavingexpert.com' I'm sure you will come up with something.

You are not alone, and there's a lot of help out there!

Beth

[b_beth]

I've had a look, a good site for home made face packs seems to be

www.ayurvedicure.com/facepack.htm

[MissUndisciplined]

Thanks to everyone who replied! Just wanted to give you a quick update. So far, so good. Although I've been out less and haven't bought anything, it hasn't been that painful so far. In fact, I feel happier because I'm in control for once! My November spending was HALF that of October! Just need to keep it up now (must remember this - I still look longingly in shop windows at all the pretty things which I don't need).

Hope you're all doing ok at this difficult time of year moneywise! All these parties to go to and presents to buy. I'm going to a few parties but buying no presents this year (so none for me either sadly!) But you know what, it was my mum's birthday the other week and instead of spending lots of money, I spent hours creating a birthday card with loads of scanned pictures of her from over the years. It didn't cost much but I think she enjoyed it more than anything I've given her before. Just goes to show - you don't have to spend lots of money on people to show you love them.

Seasons greetings to all!
Miss GettingMoreDisciplined

[MissUndisciplined]

Everybody!

I just wanted to share the good news with you! After a few years of painful repayments, I am now entirely DEBT FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not had any help from anybody. I did fall off the bandwagon a few times, but basically I kept working extremely hard at my career, moved jobs every year, each time getting a pay increase. With every increase, I increased my debt repayments. I also moved house twice, each time saving money on the rent and bills. These savings also went into the debt. I also stopped going out quite so much, but I've still had a pretty good time. And now FINALLY I've cleared it all off! It feels great! Unreal in fact! I have been in debt my entire adult life! In total, I would say I've paid about £25-30k since I was 18.

Starting next month, I am going to save what I used to pay on my loan. I was going to treat myself to something, maybe a huge TV, using one month's money, but actually decided not to! It's the treat mentality that got me in debt in the first place, let's face it! Now I can start saving for real things in life, like maybe learning to drive, or buying a property one day. I never thought these things were possible before.

Anyway, I hope this inspires some of you to continue. If I can do it, anyone can! I felt so hopeless for years, but it's not hopeless. Just a bit painful for a while, but time passes quickly!

Good luck!
Miss U

[Leona]

I'm single at the moment and it may sound strange but I'm happy and satisfied with my life. There is so many exciting things around you except love! I'm on top!