[Erika]

Hello,

My name is Erika. I am 23 and originally from eastern europe (lithuania). I have come to London at the age of 13 and with my mum.

I really realy need your advise. My mum is not well and seems to be getting worse just how her mum did. I myself think she has depressiona and anxiety and maybe something else. It is a constant worry about everything really. She is still functioning, going to work (too much) (this is how she copes due to her culture). I am so unbelievable scared for her. I feel like some karma wants to overtake us as though this diseased gene is in us all (mum's family).

Her mum's sister is still alive and she is suffering so much, thats the only way i can put how she is. Now she just sits like a zombie and licks her lips constantly.

My mother is the only child in the family. She had a very strict dad untill he passed away when she was 14. Some of the things that she told me is that he used to wake her up in the middle of the night asking the maths times table. Her and her mum used to leave (run from in other words) from the house when her dad came back drunk as he was violent. He once threathened her mum with a gun. I do not know whether this is very much related to her present problems but i just know that her mum's mum had problems as well (I have no ideas what but something to do with anxiety, depression and becoming zombie like).

My mum also had a very ard birth where she was in bed after for a week with a 40+ Temperature.

My mum has also married my dad when she was 20 and kind of left her mum in a flat that she lived. All i know is that her mum died young and before that she didnt leave the flat much and was something like a zombie looking (sorry im quite young so i dont know how to express myself). I also know that she used to self medicate a lot as well just how my mum is now.

I also know that my mum kind of feels guilty for leaving her in her words 'know i understand that she wanted me to help her'.
I think she died from some pancreas problems or gall bladder.

I really would like to ask for your help and advise of how i could use your book to help her. She says she wakes up at 4am in the morning, i really do think she needs a lot of help. What bits could i tell her from a book. What emotions would she need to experience or to go through. We dont even mind in coming to see you if that may help in some way.

With Kindest Regards

Erika B.

[Erika]

I also dont know how I myself can help her. I dont even know how to be around her and how to behave. I have my own problems and she worries about that even more. Also, i dont know whether i should let her be angry when she is (just at anyone really and no not in a mad way yet). I think i should be very soft with her and not giving her too much information on different help books, i think they would confuse her??

Also, am i still able to expect some kind of help from her still or should i not request it. She also bites me methaporically, should i just take the pain.

Going deep into this whole thing i just think that need to sacrifice for her and never have my own children because it may be genes.
All i want is to at least make her last years of life make it easier for her.

Thank you once again if you do reply.

Kindest Regards

Erika

[Benjamin Fry]

Serious mental illness can be found in many members of the same family. Some people see this as a genetic inheritance, others as the common effect of being around similar behaviours. Either way it is extremely distressing and very difficult to cope with.

You face two problems. How to help your mother and how to help yourself. It may feel like the solution to the later is the former, but it isn't. Your mother needs proper medical understanding and help. This may be available via your local GP. You need help and understanding for yourself, and to try to process the difficult effects of living with a mother who is not well. This kind of help would be best available from a qualified psychotherapist. I'd recommend you begin to think of both yourself and your mother as needing different things and try to act on those needs independently.

[Erika]

I cannot believe you have actually replied. Thank you very much and ill take on your advise. Thank you