Not sure what to do

Not sure what to do depression

#1 Helpplease

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Posted 30 June 2004 - 07:51 AM

I've been with this guy for a few months now and he has told me all these awful things that have happened to him and i can see they still all trouble him now. He recently told me that he's been having horrible thoughts about hurting me, he doesnt want to and he wants to stop these thoughts but i think that's making him think about them even more. I'm trying to help him, and understand but i'm not to sure what to do. He has been to counselling but it hasnt treated him fully. Is he thinking these things about me because he doesnt like me, could he actually one day physically hurt me? Please help, i dont know what to do! Should i get out of the relationship?

#2 crystal

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Posted 05 July 2004 - 01:32 PM

I'm going to be really blunt here - this sounds ghastly and I think you should get out of the relationship.

People with problems often know how to recognise partners who will tolerate them - warts and all, however bad.

Don't waste time feeling sorry for this person - look after yourself and get someone who will look after you. Even if they are not as good-looking, charming or sexy.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. The fact that you have let a person with these sorts of problems get so close to you shows that you must be a very warm, forgiving person with a lot of love to give. Give that love to someone kind and deserving with no violent tendencies.

Best of luck

#3 Guest_Guest_*

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Posted 11 July 2004 - 06:54 PM

I disagree
Your partner needs to see a Therapist
It sounds like he's suffering with OCD,.
These thoughts dont mean anything, they are just absessive thoughts

#4 crystal

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Posted 14 July 2004 - 10:58 AM

I agree with the guest that says your partner needs to see a therapist, I don't think it sounds like OCD though and I don't see that you should feel responsible for him. He sounds too risky - let him go away and sort himself out. Obsessive thoughts CAN be acted upon and get out of control.

It's not like you've had a long and loving relationship and he has suddenly developed a problem. This problem has already appeared in what should still be the "honeymoon" period where you are delighted with eachother.

You haven't invested that much of your lifetime into this man so I recommend you don't throw any more of your valuable time at him.

#5 Guest_Betternow_*

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Posted 17 July 2004 - 11:00 AM

Writing as someone who sometimes gets out of control I would agree with the others that you should think about getting out of this relationship sooner rather than later. It may be that your friend's behaviour will improve with treatment but I wouldn't risk it if I were you.

#6 Guest_indepententmagnolia_*

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Posted 19 July 2004 - 05:06 AM

WHAT'S TO THINK ABOUT???? GET THE ---- OUT. THOUGHS ARE THINGS AND THINGS CAN HURT YOU. IN MY OPPINION, IT'S BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND YOU DESERVE IT. HE MAY BE A GOOD PERSON BUT ONE DAY HE COULD LOSE ANY CONTOLL OVER HIS THOUGHTS AND ACTION UP ON THEM, EVEN WITH COUNSELING AND MEDS.

#7 Delh2

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Posted 21 July 2004 - 04:39 PM

Predators are experts at finding victims. It's like finding the weak animal in the herd. This person is expert at eliciting your sympathy and help. Get out. Get an unlisted number, and you may have to move. I would even recommend a court order to keep him away from you under penalty of law. I believe it's a restraining order. This is mental abuse and mental cruelty you are experiencing. It could escalate into physical violence at any moment. I speak from experience.
:angry:

#8 Guest_Yasmeen_*

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Posted 29 July 2004 - 08:43 PM

Please get out of the relationship.
He needs professional help. You are obviously trying to help him but in the process you too are getting depressed. This is a very unhealthy relationship.
If you really want to help him then advise him gently to get professional help. The fact that you fear for your own safety is distressing.
Do it as gently as you can, but break away.

#9 Delh2

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Posted 02 August 2004 - 10:47 PM

Just checking up on your situation: Have you taken any action about this dangerous situation? I'm very concerned about your safety.

#10 Delh2

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Posted 03 August 2004 - 09:47 PM

Again, just checking up. What is your situation at present? Let us hear from you today. We are all concerned.

#11 Delh2

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Posted 06 August 2004 - 11:38 PM

I am going to assume that you have reunited with this loser and that you told him about writing to this web site. Therefore, you don't have his permission to respond with your current situation. This is typical of the victim's dilemma.

Anyway, when you can get to the computer without him looking over your shoulder, let us know what is going on. We care.

#12 Guest_liz_*

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Posted 01 September 2004 - 12:05 PM

It's possible he is suffering from depression of the bipolar variety. My husband of 27 years was diagnosed with depression about 16 years ago. When it all came out he told me that he had been having thoughts about hurting me for some time.
He never has & never would but these types of condition cause irrational thoughts that they almost have no control of. By the way he is still medicated.

#13 Guest_gabriel_*

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Posted 10 September 2004 - 05:03 PM

Although this person has discuss his past, what of his past have you really checked upon. Whatyou need to find out is if this person has actually caused physical harm to anyone else before. Thre is a view in psycology that the abused becomes the abuser for example a child involved or witnessing domestic violence may turn out to become a school bully. But you should assess this person person, if they have not resorted to violence, then help him seek theraphy and give him comfort. But he should be told that since this revelation it has giving you a different outlook. If you sense an exaggeration of insecurity than you can choose to spent some time apart. If you have been confided then respect this, it may a hugh step for him. This is just an opinio, please refer also to the advice given by the others.