Posted 17 June 2004 - 12:35 PM
hello. I am a 21 year old female, who has suffered from what is knowen as 'depression' but i would never like myself to be known as a depressing person.
I was bullied to pieces when i was younger and i think this has had an ongoing effect on my life now. 1 year ago for about 3 to 4 years i would cry, for no particular reason and if anyone asked me 'what is the matter?' i would always say 'i dont know' which was true. I was in a four year relationship with a truely wonderful man who turns out now had suffrerd from depression all his life.
I have had counselling and been on the famous prozac which i am off now but cant help thinking i am taking a step back? My relationships with people have been quite intense, i know this but cant help it and its seriosly affecting my thought process. I have always worried about what people think of me and since my 'therapy' i have much improved, but recently im feeling this irritating annoying feeling, and irrational thought processes creeping back in!
Should i go back and see my cousellor and try and nip this feeling in the bud?
help x
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i think im paranoid!! depression and all that comes with it!!
#2 Guest_Also Bullied_*
Posted 19 June 2004 - 06:43 PM
Dear I think I'm paranoid,
You are not Paranoid at all. I am currently pulling myself out of a 10 year depression. I am 23 years old and I too was bullied throughout my entire school life, and because of this I have become very depressed and lacking in self confidence.
The reason why I say you are not paranoid is because there is no such thing. Everybody who classes themselves as being paranoid doesn't realise that at some point in their life something or someone has made them feel that they have no worth and because you start believing that about yourself you think that other people will think the same, and normally this is not the case.
I am no Psychologist but one thing I do know is that you need to realise that what you went through in your childhood wasn't your fault and that you need to learn that no matter what anyone else thinks of you, you have to learn to love yourself.
I can appreciate how hard it is to focus your mind positively when you have been so deeply emotionally scarred, but they are the ones who have no worth if all they can do is bully other people to make themsleves feel better and if you keep doubting yourself then you hav
e let them win.
You are not Paranoid at all. I am currently pulling myself out of a 10 year depression. I am 23 years old and I too was bullied throughout my entire school life, and because of this I have become very depressed and lacking in self confidence.
The reason why I say you are not paranoid is because there is no such thing. Everybody who classes themselves as being paranoid doesn't realise that at some point in their life something or someone has made them feel that they have no worth and because you start believing that about yourself you think that other people will think the same, and normally this is not the case.
I am no Psychologist but one thing I do know is that you need to realise that what you went through in your childhood wasn't your fault and that you need to learn that no matter what anyone else thinks of you, you have to learn to love yourself.
I can appreciate how hard it is to focus your mind positively when you have been so deeply emotionally scarred, but they are the ones who have no worth if all they can do is bully other people to make themsleves feel better and if you keep doubting yourself then you hav
e let them win.
#3
Benjamin Fry 
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Posted 21 June 2004 - 02:45 PM
I am sorry to hear that you were bullied. It is likely that this has set up a large reservoir of unresolved trauma in your emotional mind-body system. These emotions will eventually try to find a way out of your system. The mechanism of trauma is such that (almost by definition) these emotions will no longer be clearly associated with the incidents that provoked them. This would explain both why you would find yourself crying and why you would not know why you were crying.
Depression can be the result of trying to block out the feelings that your system is trying to let go of. These emotions that were stored in your system by trauma can be very intense and disorientating when they begin to emerge. As a result our conscious mind finds them very threatening and tries to stop them. It can only do this by repressing ALL of our feelings. Thus we are left operating on a very low emotional level, or depressed.
The way to reverse this is to a) understand where these emotions are coming from so you are less threatened by them and b) to engage in any practice that helps you to let these feelings flow freely through your system. It seems like counselling worked for you on both these fronts in the past so donít be shy to go back. You may now be dealing with a new layer of trauma resolving itself and this could need a new effort to understand and to release.
Exercise and any form of meditative, spiritual or creative practice can also be a big help in getting you more connected with yourself and more comfortable with your emotions. Try writing a journal of your feelings and going for a long run when you feel that irrational irritation coming on.
Depression can be the result of trying to block out the feelings that your system is trying to let go of. These emotions that were stored in your system by trauma can be very intense and disorientating when they begin to emerge. As a result our conscious mind finds them very threatening and tries to stop them. It can only do this by repressing ALL of our feelings. Thus we are left operating on a very low emotional level, or depressed.
The way to reverse this is to a) understand where these emotions are coming from so you are less threatened by them and b) to engage in any practice that helps you to let these feelings flow freely through your system. It seems like counselling worked for you on both these fronts in the past so donít be shy to go back. You may now be dealing with a new layer of trauma resolving itself and this could need a new effort to understand and to release.
Exercise and any form of meditative, spiritual or creative practice can also be a big help in getting you more connected with yourself and more comfortable with your emotions. Try writing a journal of your feelings and going for a long run when you feel that irrational irritation coming on.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
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