Hi,
I hope this is an ok thing to post about, but i'm 21 yrs old and get extremely turned on by being dominated/humiliated by women. It's got to the stage where sometimes thats the only thing that will turn me on. It didnt bother me at first as i thought it was normal but lately its started to worry me quite a bit.
I've posted about it on a few websites about the subject but to be honest the people on their seem a bit mad so i've decided to keep off them and got told not to fight it just give into it and id enjoy it.
Perhaps I would sexually but it makes me feel very uncomfortable, i've never been abused myself or anything like that so it puzzles me really, is this something i have to accept in the way that gay people have to accept their sexuality or is there something i could do about it, does anyone know the cause etc?
thanks for reading.
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domination (sex)
#2
Benjamin Fry 
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Posted 02 May 2006 - 11:23 AM
It may have something to do with your general feelings about women, which is likely to come from your relationship with your mother. Is there anything significant in that?
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#3 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 03 May 2006 - 11:25 AM
There isn't anything really significant that I can think of, although I do feel very uncomfortable being around her and can't sit in the same room as her for more than a few minutes without feeling very tense.
When I see friends of my own age with their mothers I notice a huge difference and find it weird that seem comfortable and can laugh and joke with them, whereas if I see my mum if I am out I will go out of my way to avoid her and find myself feeling very tense.
Other than that I have never been treated really bad by her and if anything she spoils me. For example she makes my dinner each day, does pretty much everything for me and has always given me what I wanted, probably a bit over fussy though to be honest.
As for my relationship with women, although I would like to I don't feel comfortable being around them and spend most of my time with laddish kind of males, which although I don't mind sometimes i'm starting to get a bit bored of it as i get older.
thanks
When I see friends of my own age with their mothers I notice a huge difference and find it weird that seem comfortable and can laugh and joke with them, whereas if I see my mum if I am out I will go out of my way to avoid her and find myself feeling very tense.
Other than that I have never been treated really bad by her and if anything she spoils me. For example she makes my dinner each day, does pretty much everything for me and has always given me what I wanted, probably a bit over fussy though to be honest.
As for my relationship with women, although I would like to I don't feel comfortable being around them and spend most of my time with laddish kind of males, which although I don't mind sometimes i'm starting to get a bit bored of it as i get older.
thanks
#5
Benjamin Fry
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Posted 12 May 2006 - 03:34 PM
Being so uncomfortable with your mother is something significant. It suggests that you have at some point been very upset with her and still carry those feelings. You may be very angry with her, and be afraid of this anger. You may be very hurt by her.
It is likely that she dominated and humiliated you (or someone close to you) in some way (which could be very subtle) when you were younger. This may have been something entirely benign but something that you interpreted as hurtful. Or it may have been something more deliberate. We canít know.
All we can know is that you have three clear issues (1) you canít stand your mum, (2) you like punitive sex, (3) you donít socialise with women easily. These are likely to be related, and the behaviour in the present is a clue as to what has upset you in the past.
There is nothing wrong with having an experimental and spicy sex life, particularly when you are young, but you might be more comfortable with these issues if you brought them to a counsellor in person. That would give you a chance to explore how you really feel about your mum, why, and what effect this has had on your adult and sexual relationships with women.
It is likely that she dominated and humiliated you (or someone close to you) in some way (which could be very subtle) when you were younger. This may have been something entirely benign but something that you interpreted as hurtful. Or it may have been something more deliberate. We canít know.
All we can know is that you have three clear issues (1) you canít stand your mum, (2) you like punitive sex, (3) you donít socialise with women easily. These are likely to be related, and the behaviour in the present is a clue as to what has upset you in the past.
There is nothing wrong with having an experimental and spicy sex life, particularly when you are young, but you might be more comfortable with these issues if you brought them to a counsellor in person. That would give you a chance to explore how you really feel about your mum, why, and what effect this has had on your adult and sexual relationships with women.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#6 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 19 May 2006 - 10:46 PM
Thanks for the reply.
I found the 2nd paragraph interesting as she treated my dad very badly when they got divorced and made a bit of a fool out of him to be honest.
I can even remember her forging my dads signatures on the divorce papers so she wouldnt have to give him any money, as she was quite intelligent and educated whereas my dad was pretty naive and has never really worked his whole life, so obv she will have had a lot of power over him. My dad still moans about it to this day and can also remember him begging to let him come back home to her,
Towards me she was very controlling and used to make me feel embarrased easily, other than that she wasn't too bad.
I wouldn't say I can't stand her I do like her it's just as soon as i'm near her I feel tense and axious.
thanks
I found the 2nd paragraph interesting as she treated my dad very badly when they got divorced and made a bit of a fool out of him to be honest.
I can even remember her forging my dads signatures on the divorce papers so she wouldnt have to give him any money, as she was quite intelligent and educated whereas my dad was pretty naive and has never really worked his whole life, so obv she will have had a lot of power over him. My dad still moans about it to this day and can also remember him begging to let him come back home to her,
Towards me she was very controlling and used to make me feel embarrased easily, other than that she wasn't too bad.
I wouldn't say I can't stand her I do like her it's just as soon as i'm near her I feel tense and axious.
thanks
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