I'm a guy who got engaged 2 1/2 years ago - I broke it off after a few months promising I'd "sort myself out" and have spent the last 2 years living with a fantastic girl who loves and supports me like noone ever has, trying to dispell the gut feeling that the relationship wasn't quite right.
Last night it came to a head and she said she couldn't go on waiting for me to make a decision so it looks like we're splitting up. She is devastated, thinks I'm selfish and have been stringing her along for the past 2 years.
I do love her but just have a gut feeling that she's not the one to spend the next 40 years with. She'd make a great mother, be a loving and doting wife - all the practical stuff - it's just we dont talk on the same level or have the kind of connection I feel I need in a life long partner.
Am I so bad NOT to want to settle for less than I feel I deserve? Sure we could get married, have kids anf occupy some space for the next 20 years but what then - I feel bereft of any substance to the relationship, I feel held back, I feel it's all too cautious. I want to grab life by the scruff of the neck and shake it with my partner - I do want children, I do want a family, I do want to be normal.
Am I so bad for being true to myself? I'm really scared - supposing she's the best I'll ever meet - will I die sad and lonley like she's told me I will? I'm just trying to be brave and do whats best for both of us in the long run as I'm fed up with pleaseing evryone else all the time at my expense. I believ in sacrafice and give and take but not for the rest of my days.
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Breaking Up - Am I doing the right thing?
#2
wendy 
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Posted 21 April 2006 - 04:26 PM
Hi there,
Reading your post, you seem to have made your mind up on the surface as you say the relationship 'wasn't quite right'. Do you still feel this a couple of days on?
Or is there something in yourself that you think 'isn't quite right' by the fact you have put a post on this web-site? Have you had similar experiences in the past?
I often end realtionships because they don't feel right yet as I continually repeat the same pattern, I think it must be me rather than them.
It isn't easy to know what to do because you want to do what is right for both of you. You can ask other people whta they think but only the two of you know what it is really like. Are there definite things that you can pin point as being not right in the relationship or is it just a feeling. And are your feelings purely to do with her or something else in your past projecting to today?
Maybe you need some space to think through your feelings. I hope your mind feels clearer soon.
Wendy
Reading your post, you seem to have made your mind up on the surface as you say the relationship 'wasn't quite right'. Do you still feel this a couple of days on?
Or is there something in yourself that you think 'isn't quite right' by the fact you have put a post on this web-site? Have you had similar experiences in the past?
I often end realtionships because they don't feel right yet as I continually repeat the same pattern, I think it must be me rather than them.
It isn't easy to know what to do because you want to do what is right for both of you. You can ask other people whta they think but only the two of you know what it is really like. Are there definite things that you can pin point as being not right in the relationship or is it just a feeling. And are your feelings purely to do with her or something else in your past projecting to today?
Maybe you need some space to think through your feelings. I hope your mind feels clearer soon.
Wendy
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