[A dutch girl]

Hello,

I started to watch the program for a week ago. And i must say it is really getting to me. I recognize a lot. I was also a big spender and i tried now for a year or so to cut back on my expanses. And it didn't work very well. This month i had al little sad back but i try.

Through the show i realized that i have to open up more. I know its a fact that issues from my passed has taken control in how i live my live. One part is not caring how much i spend. But in the end of the month the feeling is not as good and the good feeling that i don't care is gone. It's a shame that you don't consult people in the Netherlands. But despite that litttle sat back Iíve taken the curates to open up with a consultant from my work. And i feel that's a good step towards a better feeling. How difficult and long the road maybe be. Especially if you like talking as much as me. But the program has make me think, and i hope that i can be me again in a while and open up to the consultant and tell him the whole story what has maked me the way i am today. And that i don't run away again like the last time i went to a consultant.

Sorry for my poor English, i understand and speak it better then i can write it.

Best regards,

[Benjamin Fry]

Finding the courage to talk openly is often just as much the end product of therapy as much as it is the process itself. There are few things as healing (or as conducive to beginning to heal) than finding the support and courage to just open your mouth and speak honestly from the heart without fear of other people's reactions. It is what we lose as children through being frightened of adults (usually).

Good luck with your new strategy of openness.

[A dutch girl]

Dear Benjamin,

Good news

Your words had made me think. And I toke the courage to tell the whole story about me to the consultant. And you never guess what happened. He offered me a job in the company where I am now working as an ICT application manager as a tempt. I didnít know what to say. (Ok of course I said yes. Itís a good contract. So you can say I am very happy how this worked out. And the salary is much higher then I am getting now.

This wasnít of course his only reaction on my life story. He was a little bit shocked. He said to me that when I needed to talk he was there for me. He also advised me to write the whole story down.

So I took that advice and I tried to write it down but I couldnít write. The reason why I send It to you is that I could write it for myself I had to have a goal with it. And the moment I decided that, the writing started.

I have been ill allot it started first with the disease of Pfeiffer then a double hernia then I was paralyze, for the period of 8 months, in my right leg due to the hernia.

I thee mean time I had lost al lot of friends. The didnít wanted to hangout with me any more because I couldnít go to the disco with them. Harsh but I got over it. But in that time I had also a boyfriend at first a very sweet boy friend. Later not so sweet any more. He couldnít keep is hands to him self and he was/is an alcoholic. So I broke up with him I couldnít live with the way he was handling meÖ the breaking up was al little late I have had a relationship with him for two yearsÖ A bit stupid from my side. Ok to be honest. The only reason that I could break up with him was that I was in a rehabilitation center for my leg. So I got away from him and due to the distance I could breakup with him. The breaking up wasnít nice he did some things to me. That I cannot write down.

After this period I went back to school got my diploma and got to the university. There I got a degree in Marketing. After my education career I got to work as a tempt. After three months I got
(again) ill now it was my gallbladder so I had another operation. Then a couple of months later I got in a heavy motorcycle versus car accident (I was the one on the motorcycle so I lost that conflict After four weeks I began to work again for a hour a day. Three day later I found somebody for my flat how committed suicide. That was the moment for me that al my keeping up the appearances where gone. That is the moment where I could live my life anymore as I did. I was someone that always played an act. Nobody knew what I was feeling. For me was that a save life. But after finding that girl I could do it any more. I began to sink in a depression. But due to a little bit of medicine and, that I went striated back to work I could repressed that feeling again. Hmm.. two months later when I was fully recovered of my injuries of the motorcycle accident. I got another motorcycle accident.. But I didnít give in to it and with some physical therapy I recovered from that accident. Then (some good news now) I got the tempt job in the company where I am now working in.

The job asked from me a lot. Not that I cannot due the job properly but the stress level was very very high at some points. (In the Netherlands we got a new health insurance system. And the company where I am working for is providing health insurance for people. So a lot of changes had to been made in the software to be ready for this new insurance system. That meant for me that I was making long hours. So I got to work happy and I was home not happy.) In that period the spending that I did was extremely high, higher than I could afford.

But that was not the first time I did that. I always do it. But when I am not feeling well I spend a lot more. (most of my spending are on cigarettes I smoke(d) two pack a day. That about 10 euro pro day. And then I pleased my self with some clothingís about 200 euro pro month. I cut back on the clothing I havenít bought any clothing for two months now. But the cigarettes that is a different story. I cannot quit because I hide my emotions with it ( that is also the reason that I didnít cry for ten years now. Every time I felt the need to cry I got a smoke).

So I hope, and I have a little bid trust in it. That when I have dealt with my passed I can stop spending, when I am not feeling well. I know when I am honest that my spending behavior comes because when I spend I feel a life. And I have the feeling I can live a life like anyone else.
Did was the whole story.

Before I send this to you I want to let you now that I have started to read your book. This is for me a first time that I read a self help book. I had/have something against those books. But I find the book very interesting and I hope that I can use it as a tool to set my goals strait and to do something about myself.
I also want to complement you in the writing style that you have. Despite that English isnít my languages, I understand the words you are using. I am on page 40 now and I had to lookup one word so fare.(It appeared to be a word that also the same in Dutch ;-) the word amoebae I didnít knew what that meant. ;-) Also i got already al little wake up cal through the "what did you survive" exersice.

Best wishes,

[Benjamin Fry]

Thank you for your story and your feedback. I think that you realise that you will need to start to let go of some of the emotions around your past. Find a way to do this slowly and safely. This may also help you to rely less on the cigarettes. Writing stuff down is a great safety valve, and talking to others can help you to feel more safe with it all.

It seems that you have made a great start. Good luck with your progress.

[A dutch girl]

Dear Benjamin,

I wanted to thank you that you have taken the time to respond on somebody how doesn't even live in the same country. Because you respond and after reading your book I realized that I needed help. So I had taken the courage to get me some real therapy. Now I am working on, to deal with my past and dealing with the traumaís Iíve. It is not easy to do, sometimes i rater give up, but i'm hanging in there. I am glad that I have taken this step. And my spending is very good i'am out of debt now i am saving money now instead of spending it.


So thank you very much for responding.



Kind regards,