I am 31 my parents divored when i was 13, i lost 3 grandparents between the age of 16-19, I lost my father when i was 21 (he was only 50), it was a real shock as we never really knew the reason why he died (we think he was stung and was anaphalactic shock) also I was run over the same year. Because of this I have facial scars which are not as visible now but i notice them.
Ever since i just don't seem to be able to deal with things as well as i could, i drink too much, i don't like me and lack self esteem, i also have put lots of weight on. i am in a job i don't enjoy and my friends walk all over me cos i can't stand upto them, i try and put a facade on that i'm a bubbly happy person and it seems to work but i'm not happy inside at all. i don't feel depressed but just want to understand why i am like this and how i get out of this downward spiral. i have such a bad reputation in my local town of been a womanising drunkard i can't shake it, but thats not the real me. i am thinking of moving away and starting again but that is like running away from things. help!!!
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crossroads
#2 Guest_Guest_anon_*
Posted 17 January 2006 - 02:12 PM
Hello there,
Im no expert in this area, but i can relate to you. It sounds to me that the time in your life when you are young and "finding your feet" was very traumatic for you and you have done well to identify it. You also mention at the end that you have thought of "starting again", which rightly so you have said is running away.
I had been through a very traumtic time in my life and i did actually run away, by going travelling. It was great for me to get away and see things in perspective but the fact is that no matter where you go your problems will follow you.
Having so many difficult things happen to you as a child would be tough for anyone. It seems to me that you have never really faced up to these problems and to some extent have switched yourself off by drinking and seeking pleasure from women etc. I found that talking to a counsellor about my problems really helped me. Sometimes we find it difficult to talk about our emotions but by facing up to them head on it can give you so much confidence and will make you a much stonger person.
I was drinking too much, taking drugs, womanising, in a job i hated, with no great friends and just pretending to be happy, but now i really am happy and self confident. So your not alone there are many people who are the same. Its great that you have started to look for a way out of this "downward spiral" and it seems to me that its a great time for you to be doing it. Because it is a downward spiral and as you said you are not depressed.
I would recommend finding yourself a few hobbies outside of your circle of freinds, where you can meet new pople and be the "real you". I found sport to really help me. Slowly over time by drinking etc you do things which are not things you would normally do if you were happy, and this is very common. In doing this you slowly start to build up a wall of perception in front of you, brick by brick. Its your job now to take these bricks down by showing your real self. I came to point where i had lost all the respect from my friends and had no confidence in myself. But by facing my problems many of my friends have great respect for me now and often look up to me and ask for advice.
I found that the best thing for me was to stop drinking because when i really thought about it this was what made me hide away and not be the real me. Maybe go see a counsellor just to talk about stuff and get it off your chest. It takes courage to do this and will give you more confidence in yourself. If you feel you can talk to your friends maybe even tell them about your childhood and how low you feel. And i would highly recommend getting into sport or joining the gym. It made me feel so much more confident.
Above all just be youself at all times, believe in yourself and do what makes you happy. Little by little you will overcome your problems and will end up much stonger and appreciate the good things in life much more.
Hope this helps
Im no expert in this area, but i can relate to you. It sounds to me that the time in your life when you are young and "finding your feet" was very traumatic for you and you have done well to identify it. You also mention at the end that you have thought of "starting again", which rightly so you have said is running away.
I had been through a very traumtic time in my life and i did actually run away, by going travelling. It was great for me to get away and see things in perspective but the fact is that no matter where you go your problems will follow you.
Having so many difficult things happen to you as a child would be tough for anyone. It seems to me that you have never really faced up to these problems and to some extent have switched yourself off by drinking and seeking pleasure from women etc. I found that talking to a counsellor about my problems really helped me. Sometimes we find it difficult to talk about our emotions but by facing up to them head on it can give you so much confidence and will make you a much stonger person.
I was drinking too much, taking drugs, womanising, in a job i hated, with no great friends and just pretending to be happy, but now i really am happy and self confident. So your not alone there are many people who are the same. Its great that you have started to look for a way out of this "downward spiral" and it seems to me that its a great time for you to be doing it. Because it is a downward spiral and as you said you are not depressed.
I would recommend finding yourself a few hobbies outside of your circle of freinds, where you can meet new pople and be the "real you". I found sport to really help me. Slowly over time by drinking etc you do things which are not things you would normally do if you were happy, and this is very common. In doing this you slowly start to build up a wall of perception in front of you, brick by brick. Its your job now to take these bricks down by showing your real self. I came to point where i had lost all the respect from my friends and had no confidence in myself. But by facing my problems many of my friends have great respect for me now and often look up to me and ask for advice.
I found that the best thing for me was to stop drinking because when i really thought about it this was what made me hide away and not be the real me. Maybe go see a counsellor just to talk about stuff and get it off your chest. It takes courage to do this and will give you more confidence in yourself. If you feel you can talk to your friends maybe even tell them about your childhood and how low you feel. And i would highly recommend getting into sport or joining the gym. It made me feel so much more confident.
Above all just be youself at all times, believe in yourself and do what makes you happy. Little by little you will overcome your problems and will end up much stonger and appreciate the good things in life much more.
Hope this helps
#3 Guest_Tim_*
Posted 29 March 2006 - 08:23 PM
Thank you for that, I am trying to break the chain but its hard. drink is around all the time and all my mates want to do is go out and get drunk and pull women, i want to meet someone special and be happy and share quality time with them. not much to ask but its hard, i have such a bad rep people look at me funny!!!
i'll keep going but the idea about the gym i have started but it takes real motivation and i am easily led astray!!!
i'll keep going but the idea about the gym i have started but it takes real motivation and i am easily led astray!!!
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