When I was 22 I got married and spent two years in a mentally abusive relationship. As a result of that relationship I started suffering with panic attacks and depression. My self esteem had been completely destroyed and I felt completely worthless. Shopping became a way of making myself feel better.
After years of fighting the panic attacks and building up my confidence, my spending is still a problem and I just don't know how to stop it. I wake up every morning feeling sick because of the debt hanging over me. Depression is still a problem for me. It's a vicious circle. I spend to make myself feel better and yet the debt feeds my depression !
I am soo ashamed of what I have done. I can't bear to tell anyone. I come from an extremely close family but I couldn't bear to disappoint them by telling them of my problem. They have always been soo good with money and I'm afraid they will think I've just been frivolous. I don't really understand it all myself, so how can I explain it to anyone else.
The desire to spend is soo huge. It's ridiculous. I buy magazines by the bucket load. I don't read them, I just look at the pictures and then move on to the next one. I've even bought the same magazine twice, as I didn't realise I had already seen it. I just seem to get a buzz out of buying things. It's not like it's anything I really need or want and it doesn't bother me if I take it back, but it's the action of buying something that temporarily gives me the "feel good" factor. And it is ALWAYS temporary. That's why I'm now £17,000.00 in debt and desperate to break the cycle.
I just don't know where to turn.
