I recently bought this article which mentioned this website so I thought I give it a try.
Here is the story:
I met my boyfriend over 1 year ago, he first had a job that takes him around the globe and since 6 months he works overseas. I fell in love very quickly and believe he is the love of my life, but there are many things lately that I cannot figure out anymore. I am lost, confused and do not know anymore if I am normal.
We had 6 months without any major problems, then little arguments started. He is in his 30s so I guess you can call it mature... Well, he started to hang up during arguments or switch of his mobile phone. Silly arguments about me missing him and him not having so much time to talk on the phone. In the summer I joined him for 3months overseas. It was very difficult. I would ask him to come and meet me for lunch and he would shout at me that he feels pressured into lunch. Sometimes arguments would get so out of hand he would call me really bad words. But then he is so loving and caring. He tells me he loves me but then he turns into this monster I do not recognize.... I am back in the UK now since a months, I am in a position where I wont be able to live with him until next june. the distance has made it all more difficult and I have lately doubted the relationship. He lately starts to criticise me for everything, when I say I miss him he accuses me of always being negative. I mentioned that a split up would be the only solution. He keeps on being rude and hurtful but I love him so much. He says he loves me and does not want to split up. I feel I lost all my confidence in what I think, in what I belive in, I what I do. I feel like a complete failure that I cannot make the man I love so much happy. I feel not ready to split up but have no solution to improve the situation. I cannot go on with a distance filled with terror. But I am afraid I will be so lonely without him. What shall I do?
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completely lost
#2 Guest_DC_*
Posted 16 October 2005 - 01:16 AM
Hi Fran,
Sorry you are having problems. From what you have written I have to wonder if your boyfriend is really ready to commit to you. It sounds almost as if he is trying to push you away, as if he feels you are smothering him. Perhaps he isn't as sure of his feelings for you as you are for him. Maybe he is having second thoughts. Maybe he likes a long distance relationship where you aren't there to see what he does. Maybe you aren't his only interest???
If you are having problems now with him being disrespectful of you, not caring about hurting your feelings, not taking your concerns seriously, it will only get worse over time.
You should consider carefully before making someone who can turn into a "monster" the love of your life. You deserve to be treated with love and respect at all times.
Good luck, D.
Sorry you are having problems. From what you have written I have to wonder if your boyfriend is really ready to commit to you. It sounds almost as if he is trying to push you away, as if he feels you are smothering him. Perhaps he isn't as sure of his feelings for you as you are for him. Maybe he is having second thoughts. Maybe he likes a long distance relationship where you aren't there to see what he does. Maybe you aren't his only interest???
If you are having problems now with him being disrespectful of you, not caring about hurting your feelings, not taking your concerns seriously, it will only get worse over time.
You should consider carefully before making someone who can turn into a "monster" the love of your life. You deserve to be treated with love and respect at all times.
Good luck, D.
#3
piscesgirl 
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- Group: Members
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- Joined: 15-November 05
- Location:uk
Posted 15 November 2005 - 12:30 PM
It sounds to me like he is mentally and emotionally abusing you. I also wonder why you are allowing him to treat you like this? If he loves you why would he want to be rude and hurtful towards you?
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