Benjamin Fry | Forum: Stressed with an ADHD child - Benjamin Fry | Forum

I am a divorced mother with 4 sons. My oldest is almost seventeen, then I have a fourteen year old and I have my 11 year old twins. My younger twin has been diagnosed with ADHD. Sometimes life is good, he is on 10mg ritalin twice a day and it seems to help somewhat. We have all had a rough two years. The father of my twins and I got divorced six months ago because he wanted to do the drugs and have other women who would give him the drugs. My ex-husband's brother who I and my children was very close too passed away last year. My ex-husband's mother moved away without telling my kids goodbye. I have found a new love of my life and we are getting married in August. All of these has hit my kids very hard especially the twins. I'm trying to maintain but my ADHD twin is not taking anything very well or as well as I thought. I've started counseling for myself to help me with some past issues but I never really thought about counseling for my children. They are so resilient, they'll bounce back or so what everybody tells me. My child is not the same. He doesn't feel like he can do anything right and most of all he doesn't feel good about himself. I've never gone down this road before nor did I think I would have too. But I'm looking for advice.

Thank you

Life with an ADHD child is not easy. I have a teenage son who has ADHD/asperger syndrome. He has been expelled from one school because they found him too difficult to deal with. His over activity and lack of thought regarding the consequences of his actions has caused problems again and again. His own doctor does not even acknowledge ADHD exists and so we have to see a private consultant for his medication (also Ritalin).

Have you asked your doctor for the slow release version of Ritalin called Concerta. I noticed that when my son was on ordinary Ritalin there were definitely more emotional lows when the medication wore off. There is also a new drug which has just been approved in this country but has been used in America for some time called Strattera or Atomoxetine which is a non-stimulant and does not produce the side effects of Ritalin. Might be worth a try.

Most of all you have to keep supporting your son. If you think he will benefit from counselling then do it. Take all the help you can get because ADHD can take a toll on the whole family.

All the best.

The resilience of kids is a myth. Children react to trauma in a different way than adults do, and we mistake it for resilience.

You had three traumatic events back-to-back. Chances are, ALL of your kids are affected by these events, even though the ADHD twin is causing the most havoc.

What would it hurt to have all of your kids see a therapist? Kids don't have the experience to talk about how they are feeling, or even know how they are feeling, and a trained therapist can help them express themselves. It's also good practice on how they can take care of themselves emotionally, which is something many of us are never taught and must learn in later life.

I wish the best for you--congratulations on your new love.