Help
Alison,
If you have incurred any bank charges in the last 6 years I would urge you to have a look at www.penaltycharges.co.uk
The site tells you how to claim back overcharging by the bank.
Good luck,
Beth
Ashamed of my spending secret spending/debt
MultiQuote
#32
oldsoulie1 
- Newbie
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- Group: Members
- Posts: 1
- Joined: 20-July 07
Posted 20 July 2007 - 06:28 PM
Hello, I am new to the forum but I am so glad I found it.
I thought I was the only person in the world that had hidden debts from her husband so it was a suprise to find I wasn't.
I have about £17000 debt and the bad thing is that about 4 years ago he bailed me out from about £7000 store card debts with al loan. Now I have gone and done it again but far worse. I had to tell him last week because we are getting a remortgage and I know the mortgage company will find undisclosed debts on the credit search. He has not taken it very well at all, he says that I am not the person he thought he knew and loved and that I have destroyed all the trust and respect that he had in me.
I don't know why I run up debt and I don't know where it has all gone. I don't have wardrobes full of nice clothes or shoes. We don't have a lot of material possesions and really don't have anything to show to justify this amount of debt.
We have always had a joint account. I am working parttime and earn around £600 per month and husband brings in average £2300 per month so we should be on easy street but we never have anything left at the end of the month.
Thinking about it, I was taking money of one card to pay another so that payments wouldn't show coming out of the account - though he never really took much notice of the account.
I have always had an easy come, easy go attitude to money - mum always bailed me out when I run out of money at the end of the week when I was living at home so I never did without. The strange thing though, I got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 23 and moved in with my boyfriend who was not in work and while we was on benefits we managed quite well and didn't get into debt. However, when he started working I started with the catalouges and got loans with the Provident but these never became unmangeable - but I wasn't able to talk to him about them - they were my secret. When we split up about 15 years ago and I met my second husband again I started of really good, the problem seemed to creep in when I got a reasonable job and he started climbing the career ladder (my current husband is 12 years younger than me - that has created its own issues along the way - I am always worried that he'll meet a younger woman and be off although he was constantly telling me that its me he wants and that there has never been or will be anyone else - but thats for another forum I guess) It sems the more he earns the more we spend and the more I get into debt.
I have told him I am prepared to take the money that is my equity in the property to clear the debts and get some jobs done on the house and even have the house put in his sole name. I have told him he can have total control of the income so he can monitor it.I am tired of carrying the guilt of having a secret and hoping I get to the post before he does, and worrying all day if a bill comes when he decides he'll work from home today - its getting too much to carry round with me - I was 50 this year and I think I need some guilt free time. but I don't know if I can live with him if he can't forgive me and carry on. The only problem there is that we have two boys (age 8 & 10) so if we split up this would affect the boys and Tom starts in Y6 and has his SATS next term which I don't want to jeopardise.
I'm sorry for waffling on, I am so glad I found this forum. I watch spendaholics - but only when I am on my own as it was too near to the bone. I had considered applying to go on to get my life sorted but I am too ashamed and embarressed.
Thanks for listening
I thought I was the only person in the world that had hidden debts from her husband so it was a suprise to find I wasn't.
I have about £17000 debt and the bad thing is that about 4 years ago he bailed me out from about £7000 store card debts with al loan. Now I have gone and done it again but far worse. I had to tell him last week because we are getting a remortgage and I know the mortgage company will find undisclosed debts on the credit search. He has not taken it very well at all, he says that I am not the person he thought he knew and loved and that I have destroyed all the trust and respect that he had in me.
I don't know why I run up debt and I don't know where it has all gone. I don't have wardrobes full of nice clothes or shoes. We don't have a lot of material possesions and really don't have anything to show to justify this amount of debt.
We have always had a joint account. I am working parttime and earn around £600 per month and husband brings in average £2300 per month so we should be on easy street but we never have anything left at the end of the month.
Thinking about it, I was taking money of one card to pay another so that payments wouldn't show coming out of the account - though he never really took much notice of the account.
I have always had an easy come, easy go attitude to money - mum always bailed me out when I run out of money at the end of the week when I was living at home so I never did without. The strange thing though, I got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 23 and moved in with my boyfriend who was not in work and while we was on benefits we managed quite well and didn't get into debt. However, when he started working I started with the catalouges and got loans with the Provident but these never became unmangeable - but I wasn't able to talk to him about them - they were my secret. When we split up about 15 years ago and I met my second husband again I started of really good, the problem seemed to creep in when I got a reasonable job and he started climbing the career ladder (my current husband is 12 years younger than me - that has created its own issues along the way - I am always worried that he'll meet a younger woman and be off although he was constantly telling me that its me he wants and that there has never been or will be anyone else - but thats for another forum I guess) It sems the more he earns the more we spend and the more I get into debt.
I have told him I am prepared to take the money that is my equity in the property to clear the debts and get some jobs done on the house and even have the house put in his sole name. I have told him he can have total control of the income so he can monitor it.I am tired of carrying the guilt of having a secret and hoping I get to the post before he does, and worrying all day if a bill comes when he decides he'll work from home today - its getting too much to carry round with me - I was 50 this year and I think I need some guilt free time. but I don't know if I can live with him if he can't forgive me and carry on. The only problem there is that we have two boys (age 8 & 10) so if we split up this would affect the boys and Tom starts in Y6 and has his SATS next term which I don't want to jeopardise.
I'm sorry for waffling on, I am so glad I found this forum. I watch spendaholics - but only when I am on my own as it was too near to the bone. I had considered applying to go on to get my life sorted but I am too ashamed and embarressed.
Thanks for listening
#33
alison
- Member
-
- Group: Members
- Posts: 16
- Joined: 11-October 05
Posted 01 September 2009 - 10:04 AM
It's a long time since I've been on here, more fool me. In brief, I eventually failed and fell back to my old ways. Then tried again and failed, and again...... You get the picture. My debt peaked at the end of last year at around 50K. Whilst I continued to make repayments, stuff kept coming up and I continued debting to the extent that about 90% of my take home salary was, going on servicing my debts, all at minimum repayments.
I contacted debtors annoymous and started on their programme and already I feel much more positive. But by far the most significant and difficult thing I have done is finally come clean to my husband. I never thought I could do it. He wanted to know why I hadn't come to him before things got this bad, and I wondered why I had been so petrified of telling him all along.
He is going to support me and help me through. From here onwards, I am going to be completely honest and open about money with him. In fact, I think this could have a knock on effect in many areas, improve communication and make our marriage stronger in the long run.
And in case you are wondering, I had to write it all down and leave the room. I still couldn't tell him face to face. He took it remarkably calmly. I was waiting for the explosion, banging doors, swearing, storming out, telling me he was leaving me etc but it didn't happen. I have stressed that it is my debt to pay, but he is going to try and find me a better deal since he works for a bank so I pay less interest and the debt gets paid quicker. We both feel that if he justs pays it for me, or even a large chunk of it, there is a danger I will go back to my free spending ways. I have not been 'cured' yet.
I've only just started my recovery. It's taken several years and many false starts. This time, with my husbands support I am finally going to beat this. If you are like I was and hiding debt from your partner, please don't be like me and let your debt get to such mammoth proportions. I managed to stop before I started missing payments, but I don't know how long that would have lasted. The thought of my husband finding out by a creditor phoning me or worse I could not accept. I think if he had found out from someone other than me, it would have been far worse. Despite all his faults, I have realised I have a good husband that loves me. I can't believe I risked everything.
I contacted debtors annoymous and started on their programme and already I feel much more positive. But by far the most significant and difficult thing I have done is finally come clean to my husband. I never thought I could do it. He wanted to know why I hadn't come to him before things got this bad, and I wondered why I had been so petrified of telling him all along.
He is going to support me and help me through. From here onwards, I am going to be completely honest and open about money with him. In fact, I think this could have a knock on effect in many areas, improve communication and make our marriage stronger in the long run.
And in case you are wondering, I had to write it all down and leave the room. I still couldn't tell him face to face. He took it remarkably calmly. I was waiting for the explosion, banging doors, swearing, storming out, telling me he was leaving me etc but it didn't happen. I have stressed that it is my debt to pay, but he is going to try and find me a better deal since he works for a bank so I pay less interest and the debt gets paid quicker. We both feel that if he justs pays it for me, or even a large chunk of it, there is a danger I will go back to my free spending ways. I have not been 'cured' yet.
I've only just started my recovery. It's taken several years and many false starts. This time, with my husbands support I am finally going to beat this. If you are like I was and hiding debt from your partner, please don't be like me and let your debt get to such mammoth proportions. I managed to stop before I started missing payments, but I don't know how long that would have lasted. The thought of my husband finding out by a creditor phoning me or worse I could not accept. I think if he had found out from someone other than me, it would have been far worse. Despite all his faults, I have realised I have a good husband that loves me. I can't believe I risked everything.
