[teresa]

You are not a failure ok?? Repeat after me ......

I posted this reply elsewhere ...... but if I can help you by being there too, then get in touch ok??

I myself was in a heap of debt and it got as bad as it really could ..... balifs calling me at work to say they were at my flat ready to reposses ..... I ran from work and went home. At the time I was engaged to a wonderful guy who was careful with money etc.

I couldnt reason with the balifs and they wanted me out - the only person who could help me was my fiancee ...... I had no choice but to call him. I was scared cos hey he could have dumped me but he left work and paid off the money I was due and that turned out ok.

I wouldnt admit to other debts but when I sold my flat to leave my home town and move in with him, well the letters from debt agencies kept on coming so I had no choice but to own up ..... it was hard again cos everytime I was asked "is this it" I said it was but of course it wasnt ...... just before we were due to get married, everything came out and I am glad it did.

My husband paid everything for me and I have been paying him back ever since. I only have around £3000 to pay back from aorund £11,000 and also have 2 Credit Cards now!!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Why did I end up with so much debt?? I lost my parents, am an only child and had no family around me. I went off the rails.

If you want to keep in touch and talk away from here, let me know and we can email each other. Take care.

[Benjamin Fry]

It is very frightening to feel like your life is getting out of control. It threatens your security and stability, which in turn can feel like the end. You are thinking that it would be less stressful just to take matters into your own hands and end it yourself. However this is the result of a confusion from your primal instincts.

For most of mankindís evolved history, the end of resources (money) and shelter meant death. We are still that same species. We react to loss of our resources with a life and death panic. It is just hard wired into our survival instinct. However, you are not actually at risk in that way because you life in a modern society. You need to make sure that you get the benefit of knowing this.

I suggest that you take a good look at your options and the worse case scenario. It may be that you could get another credit card, if you feel that this is only a temporary need. Or it may be that you need to accept that you can not cope and ask for help. There are various debt relief agencies that can help you. Often they advise individuals to consider bankruptcy to wipe the slate clean. If you have no assets, then this can also be a surprisingly helpful alternative.

Once you accept your worse case scenario as bearable, you can see that things can only get better from that possibility. If you accept it as inevitable, then you can avoid the anxiety of not knowing what will happen. Although it may be disappointing, even depressing, it certainly isnít life threatening. Life will go on.

You also need emotional help. You should talk about these issues and your stress as much as possible with friends, relatives or even a professional. Your GP or debt relief agency may be able to help you to find someone to talk to. Writing your thoughts and feelings down on paper may also help to relieve your stress and depression. You could write more here if you like.

Sometimes the way out of a black hole is through. If you stop fighting and let yourself travel to your destination, you might find that itís not such a bad, or dark, place to be after all.