[Stella]

I really related to some of the people on Spendaholics and I would appreciate some advice myself. I feel that I have an ëaddictioní to clothes shopping. I spend a large proportion of my wages on clothes and have debts because of this. I donít buy overly expensive items, often buying in sales. My problem is that I buy in quantity. If I like something I will buy two of them, because I somehow feel something might happen to one of them, or one will not be clean when I want it. I have so many clothes my house is totally over crowded.
I canít go anywhere without shopping and I get into a cycle of shopping and then taking things back or going back to get something to match and so on. I often try really hard to stop myself but I have such a strong urge that I cannot resist. If I don't buy something it goes round and round in my head and I often go back for it. I can remember doing this even at the age of about eight or nine when I made my Dad turn the car around and drive for miles for me to buy a soft toy I had not bought earlier! When I think about this I resent the time I waste shopping as well as the money. I also worry at night about money and feel guilt because I know there is so much poverty in the world that my excesses seem obscene.
I have tried to understand this behaviour. It feels shallow to be obsessed with clothes but I feel that I draw some security from it. I feel as if it will prevent me being put in a position where I donít have the right thing to wear. I hate to go out and feel that my outfit is not right. I am quite fussy about clothes and somehow think I will not be able to find something I like in future, although logically I can see this is not true. I think I get some of my hoarding behaviour from my father who also had these tendencies. I used to hoard food and stationery as well although I am better about this now. I am still a very tidy person and like to be in control of my environment. I set myself high standards and often do not feel good enough.
I also remember being very frumpy at school and then one day being given a hand me down school uniform that was much more trendy and suddenly I was given attention and compliments. I never wanted to be frumpy again after this. What I struggle with is how strongly I am compelled to this behaviour. I would love to break this pattern but I have tried so many times without success. I would really appreciate your thoughts and would also like to know if you could suggest any type of help/advice I could seek? Thanks

[Benjamin Fry]

Sorry for such a late reply. Your situation is similar to may that I see on the programme. You have seen some of the programmes and have made a good speculation on the root cause of your compulsive behaviour. The hoarding my be a result of some emotional issues in your family that have transferred through the generations. You correctly identify the strong transformative illusion of clothing. You have experienced a much longed for transition in the way that people treated you simply on the basis of what you wear. I suspect that you long for every moment of every day to carry this same sense of relief. You perhaps therefore not unreasonably suspect that if you find the right outfit, you will find the right life. Sadly it will never work that way.

The best help you could get would be to delve into what it was in your past that eroded your self-confidence to the point where you identified yourself with a frump. This is likely to be a superficial reflection of deeper held believes about yourself. Could you revised these issues with a professional therapist or counsellor? It might really help to get you started on an awareness of the connections between the past and your compulsions in the present.