Hi,
My problem is that I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months and i love him with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him. However, the past few months I have started to feel very insecure about the relationship. I know he loves me, but feel that i need to hear him say it. If I ask him if he thinks we have a future and if he loves me, he gets angry and asks me to stop going on. But because he says that makes me feel even more insecure.
I'm starting to feel that I'm going t push him way because I keep going on about what he thinks the future will hold for us.
can someone please offer me advice to feel secure again, and to stop loosing control over the smallest things?
Thanks
Page 1 of 1
Insecure
#2 Guest_DC_*
Posted 14 August 2005 - 11:38 PM
Hi Vicky,
Sorry that you are having this problem with your boyfriend. You say you know he loves you. How do you know? If he never says it, does he show it by the way he treats you? Some men find it impossible to say I love you. If you really need him to verbalize his feelings and he can't or won't, how happy will you be in the long run?
Has something happened recently to give you second thoughts about your relationship? Why have you started to feel insecure in the past few months?
If he gets angry and accusses you of going on, consider how you are approaching the discussion. Are you trying to talk about it when he is thinking about something else? Are you signaling neediness or clinginess in some way that he may find off-putting? Is he impatient because he senses your insecurity? Is he guilty because he has given you a reason to feel insecure? I'm just throwing out possibilities for you to consider, none of them may be the case.
If he won't discuss the future it may be because he is afraid of commitment or unsure of himself and what he wants. If it is important to you and he really loves you, he will discuss this issue with you. It may be that all he can say is he doesn't know what he wants for the future. It's up to you to find a way to make it clear to him that you need to make plans for your future, you would like to be with him and want to know if he will be a part of it.
Good luck and best wishes, D.
Sorry that you are having this problem with your boyfriend. You say you know he loves you. How do you know? If he never says it, does he show it by the way he treats you? Some men find it impossible to say I love you. If you really need him to verbalize his feelings and he can't or won't, how happy will you be in the long run?
Has something happened recently to give you second thoughts about your relationship? Why have you started to feel insecure in the past few months?
If he gets angry and accusses you of going on, consider how you are approaching the discussion. Are you trying to talk about it when he is thinking about something else? Are you signaling neediness or clinginess in some way that he may find off-putting? Is he impatient because he senses your insecurity? Is he guilty because he has given you a reason to feel insecure? I'm just throwing out possibilities for you to consider, none of them may be the case.
If he won't discuss the future it may be because he is afraid of commitment or unsure of himself and what he wants. If it is important to you and he really loves you, he will discuss this issue with you. It may be that all he can say is he doesn't know what he wants for the future. It's up to you to find a way to make it clear to him that you need to make plans for your future, you would like to be with him and want to know if he will be a part of it.
Good luck and best wishes, D.
#3 Guest_Vicky_*
Posted 21 August 2005 - 07:29 PM
Hi,
Thanks for replying. I finally insisted that my boyfriend spoke to me about my insecurity problem. After much talking we both agreed that we believe there is a future for us, and that we both love each other very much.
I feel much better now, and more secure. Guess I just needed to hear that he felt the same way about me.
Thanks for listening.
Vicky
Thanks for replying. I finally insisted that my boyfriend spoke to me about my insecurity problem. After much talking we both agreed that we believe there is a future for us, and that we both love each other very much.
I feel much better now, and more secure. Guess I just needed to hear that he felt the same way about me.
Thanks for listening.
Vicky
Share this topic:
Page 1 of 1