Just wondering if perhaps i can get soem advice from this site, i have never felt this way before so it is really getting to me.
I have been with my other Half for 8 years, we get on well and i also get on with his family, He has 2 sisters and a brother. Recently his Brother has got a new girlfriend - well actually she isnt new anymore, about a year! anyways, all his family always go on about how beautiful she is, and i feel very left out. I know this may sound very silly, as i have been with my man for a long time, but i cant get these thoughts out of my head! I often get told im a very Pretty girl - dont want to sound like a love myself, because that is totally untrue - so maybe i am jelous that someoneelse is getting all the attention?! I just find it hard that not ever once has his family complemented me! And yet, this new girl comes along and she gets lots of attention. I also often get told that my boyfriend is lucky to have someone like me, but not once has his family made me feel special - dont get me wrong we get on, but this new girl seems to ge lots more attention. I guess i am jelous - well i know i am! I have started to feel unattractive when she is in the room, and i dont like her now because of it! She is ok, but she doesnt really try to get to know me, and i guess that annoysme even more! My boyfriend and i had an argument the other day, and one of the things he said to me, in the heat of the moment was 'u are just a jelous little cow!' I asked hjim to explain when he meant by this, but he just said he said it in the heat of the moment and didnt mean anything by it - but im sure he did. I dont do anything to show my jelousy - so how would he know? As i said before,, im not usually the jelous type. This is really getting to me. WHy do i suddenly feel like im not good enough? why do i keep comparing myself to this girl, we are totally different! Why do i need attention? Please advice me.
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Jelousy
#2 Guest_DC_*
Posted 09 August 2005 - 01:42 PM
Hi,
It could be that your boyfriend's family is just shallow and thoughtless and they don't even think about how their comments affect you. Try ignoring them and just be confident in your knowledge that you are a lovely person. You don't need them to validate you.
Since the gorgeous new girlfriend hasn't made much of an effort to get to know you, why don't you try to get to know her. It may be that she is a shy person and feels awkward. Since you've been in the family for a long time, you have the advantage over her. It would be right for you to make the overtures. If you get to be friends with her you may discover that you have less jealousy.
If you are jealous of someone it is usually because they bring out fears of inadequacy in you and make you feel threatened in some way. Your boyfriend must have picked up on it or he wouldn't have said what he did. Since you don't remember revealing anything, you must be unconsciously sending signals that he senses. Others may notice them too. Consider the way you react when someone makes a thoughtless comment in your presence.
Good luck and remember to keep smiling sweetly, no one will know what you're thinking. DC
It could be that your boyfriend's family is just shallow and thoughtless and they don't even think about how their comments affect you. Try ignoring them and just be confident in your knowledge that you are a lovely person. You don't need them to validate you.
Since the gorgeous new girlfriend hasn't made much of an effort to get to know you, why don't you try to get to know her. It may be that she is a shy person and feels awkward. Since you've been in the family for a long time, you have the advantage over her. It would be right for you to make the overtures. If you get to be friends with her you may discover that you have less jealousy.
If you are jealous of someone it is usually because they bring out fears of inadequacy in you and make you feel threatened in some way. Your boyfriend must have picked up on it or he wouldn't have said what he did. Since you don't remember revealing anything, you must be unconsciously sending signals that he senses. Others may notice them too. Consider the way you react when someone makes a thoughtless comment in your presence.
Good luck and remember to keep smiling sweetly, no one will know what you're thinking. DC
#3 Guest_feeling bad_*
Posted 09 August 2005 - 02:43 PM
Ahh thank you so much for such a lovely reply.
You are right, i am probably showing these feelings, without even noticing it, and that is how my boyfriend has picked up on it. I Guess i just need to learn to love myself more, then i won't feel jelous of people.
I am going to try to get to know this girl, perhaps your right, and she may be quite shy, if she isn't shy and just rude, then i guess i won't end up feeling the jealousy anymore anyway because she won't have the personality - and looks isn't everything, just a bonus - Personaloity means so much more, especially to have a lasting relationship!
I do hope i can get over this because it really is a horrible feeling, and one i haven't really experienced before! I have a lot of beautiful looking friends and sister, and i dont feel jealousy towards them at all, in fact, i am always proud to show them off.
This post must make me sound very shallow - but i assure you i'm not at all, it is just something that i've had to get off my chest, and i can't talk to anyone about, i wanted to have others opinions/advice etc.
Thanks again, you really have helped me.
You are right, i am probably showing these feelings, without even noticing it, and that is how my boyfriend has picked up on it. I Guess i just need to learn to love myself more, then i won't feel jelous of people.
I am going to try to get to know this girl, perhaps your right, and she may be quite shy, if she isn't shy and just rude, then i guess i won't end up feeling the jealousy anymore anyway because she won't have the personality - and looks isn't everything, just a bonus - Personaloity means so much more, especially to have a lasting relationship!
I do hope i can get over this because it really is a horrible feeling, and one i haven't really experienced before! I have a lot of beautiful looking friends and sister, and i dont feel jealousy towards them at all, in fact, i am always proud to show them off.
This post must make me sound very shallow - but i assure you i'm not at all, it is just something that i've had to get off my chest, and i can't talk to anyone about, i wanted to have others opinions/advice etc.
Thanks again, you really have helped me.
#4 Guest_DC_*
Posted 14 August 2005 - 11:18 PM
Hi,
I'm glad that my thoughts were useful for you. How are things going? You're right that being confident in yourself will help you avoid jealousy of others. And no, I don't think your concerns are shallow. If something is bothering you it's important to get to the bottom of it. Little troubles that aren't addressed can grow till they are too big to handle.
Best wishes, D.
I'm glad that my thoughts were useful for you. How are things going? You're right that being confident in yourself will help you avoid jealousy of others. And no, I don't think your concerns are shallow. If something is bothering you it's important to get to the bottom of it. Little troubles that aren't addressed can grow till they are too big to handle.
Best wishes, D.
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