[sloanranger]

hi my name is joan and I have been watching with great interest your spendaholic programs, hoping to find out why i spend too much. I obviosly have a problem, because I dont want to pay my bills and often dont, I just want to go out and spend it. On clothes, but not necesarly new ones, i do buy clothes out of charity shops? coffee's meals out, but its always things for me. i halso have a obsession with diaries, I buy a new one, write a few days in, then i toss it away and buy another new one, and then do the same thing again.

As far as i remember i had a happy childhood, but i was a bit rebellious and if dad said i had to come home at 10pm, i just had to come home at 10.15pm. this would result in me being grounded, but i would just do the same again next time. I cant remember but my mam tells me, that my dad would often say when i was a small child, why cant she be more like carol (sister 3 yr older than me)and very well behaved. I have never done as I was told. mam and dad never had much money and i often hed to wear carols had me down clothes, while she got new ones.

I had a very abusive 1st marrige of 13yrs but i am now married to a waonderful man and have been for the last 18 yrs, but my spending is getting worse, total debts to date 3,500.

Anyway back to the issue. I just dont want to pay any bills or rent, i just want to spend it all ?????

Have you any thoughts on the subject. I will answer any questions

i also fell pregnant when i was 16 and had a lovely girl now aged 31, she is a fab girl. i was married 1 week before y 17th birthday, this was my 1st marrige.

Thankyou Joan sloan age 48

[sloanranger]

p.s. I have been at least two stone most of my adult life and must have spent 1,000s of £s on diet junk. currently paying a gym fee of £50 a month which i do not not use very often

[Benjamin Fry]

Iím wondering if you have resentful feelings towards the reality of letting go of the fantasy of being a child? You may have got used to behaving like the baby of the two sisters and getting your attention that way. Now you face a very adult task and you seem to be responding to it with the same rebellion that you gave to your curfew. It is as if you are waiting for someone else to come along and fix it for you. Would that be your dad?

The diary is an interesting item. It suggests perhaps a desire to create a perfect you, or an illusory reality. However after a few days, this illusion of perfection is ruined by the reality of real life and therefore you have to start again. Clothes can be a similar fantasy of transformation.

Why do you think that you are so reluctant to take responsibility for yourself and to become your own parent?