I understand that no one can really answer this question. But a little advice and debate would certainly be useful to myself and perhaps others.
so.......
What is love?
I have always had a big issue with this. Starting from my childhood, i questioned my love for my parents. Then a friend of mine got badly hurt by his girlfriend, because after a while together she said she never loved him. Its got to the point that i look at everyone and think do they really love each other.
I left my last girlfirend because i didnt know if i loved her, after many happy years. A year later i met someone new and was completely crazy about her. She has had several boyfriends. But she told me that she felt something new and amazing with me and was 100% sure that she loved me. She said all the usual stuff, like im the only person in the world she wants to be with etc, but with such conviction. So, again i got scared and told her that i just didnt know what i felt for her. We broke over a month ago and im still thinking of her all the time. When we were together the room would glow somedays and when we were apart i could feel her, it was so strange. If i closed my eyes and thought of her deeply, she would almost always phone or text me.
So, is it really possible to be that sure. Should i know when im in love with someone, or is there always doubt. or is it just two people wanting to be with each other.
Or is love just needing someone because they give you something you havent got?
When i was younger i had a dog, i know i loved him and im sure of it. I cannot compare this to the love for a girl but again, should i be sure.
I keep trying to make myself as happy as i was when i was younger. I think that if i can be that happy and sure of myself again i will know. But is it unrealistic for an adult to be like that again, without meeting someone new.
so my question is:
When you love someone should you be completely sure about it, and just know?
or is it just that im unsure of myself and so i cannot be sure of what i feel?
A stupid question, i know. But i would appreciate some help!
Thanks
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The ultimate question
#2 Guest_DC_*
Posted 07 July 2005 - 09:18 PM
Hi Jez,
That's a pretty complicated question and hard to answer.
When you love someone, the world seems a better place because they are there to share it with you. It sounds like you and your very last girlfriend had something special. Why break up so quickly? What's the rush? Sometimes it takes awhile to realize how deep your feelings are for someone.
From what you've said of your childhood, maybe you have some issues about understanding unconditional love, the kind that you give without expecting anything in return. Dogs know how to give unconditional love, they are always there for you no matter what. Perhaps you are having difficulty giving this love to others or you are not feeling it from the girlfriends you have had.
Love is also about things like mutual respect, consideration of another's needs over your own needs, and giving as much or even more than you receive. I haven't heard of a formula for determining whether or not its true love but feeling comfortable with someone, trusting them and thinking of them as your best friend is a really good start.
I think only you can know when you're in love, but I believe it is usually a sure thing and doesn't involve alot of doubt. You may have doubts because you are finding it hard to trust someone with your heart. Sometimes taking a chance is worth the risk of a broken heart. If you don't take the risk you will never know what you missed.
Good luck-D
That's a pretty complicated question and hard to answer.
When you love someone, the world seems a better place because they are there to share it with you. It sounds like you and your very last girlfriend had something special. Why break up so quickly? What's the rush? Sometimes it takes awhile to realize how deep your feelings are for someone.
From what you've said of your childhood, maybe you have some issues about understanding unconditional love, the kind that you give without expecting anything in return. Dogs know how to give unconditional love, they are always there for you no matter what. Perhaps you are having difficulty giving this love to others or you are not feeling it from the girlfriends you have had.
Love is also about things like mutual respect, consideration of another's needs over your own needs, and giving as much or even more than you receive. I haven't heard of a formula for determining whether or not its true love but feeling comfortable with someone, trusting them and thinking of them as your best friend is a really good start.
I think only you can know when you're in love, but I believe it is usually a sure thing and doesn't involve alot of doubt. You may have doubts because you are finding it hard to trust someone with your heart. Sometimes taking a chance is worth the risk of a broken heart. If you don't take the risk you will never know what you missed.
Good luck-D
#3
Sherri 
- Advanced Member
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- Group: Members
- Posts: 46
- Joined: 26-November 04
Posted 08 July 2005 - 11:03 PM
Hi Jez,
Just a few thoughts:
I have come to realize that a lot of the times, people use the word ìLoveî when they feel strong emotion and attraction towards another person, when they feel out of control while ëmeeting someone newí. No doubt I have done that many times in the past. When I try to apply the word ìPassionî onto those situation (at a later time), it seems to fit better. I have no doubt that passion is a part of ìfalling in loveî. But, whether or not one could fall all the way to the bottom, is really the question. There are just about a million reasons to cause the process to stop, some internal and some external.
Passion last longer when we are young. As we getting mature, it cools off faster as we become better in regaining the control of our emotions. Personally, I donít want to be too mature that I canít feel passion any more.
ìStarting from my childhood, I questioned my love for my parents.î I would suspect that your parents were some what severe or stiff in expressing their love to you. I have known some mother never kissed her son since he was few month old. There is a psychological reason why she was not able to do that, and the reason came from her childhood of cause. As a child, we all need love and comfort from our parents. Since our needs could be more than what our parents able to give, we would be disappointed, upset, and therefore donít want to love them any more.
Now I am a mother of two (2 yr and 4 yr old). Often time, due to circumstances, I am not able to fulfill my childrenís needs. So from time to time, I would give them extra attention just to make up for their loss. There are times, I have to punish them and they would be very upset of cause. But I made a rule for myself that never allow a bitter ending. When they are willing to consider my comfort after punishment, I always hold and caress them, kiss them many, many times, and ask them not to do that next time. They always give me their promises after that (not always keeping it though), and definitely getting better. When there is nothing much going on, they would come and kiss me every half an hour, and tell me they love me, and that I am the best Mommy. But one fact remains: when they are upset, they donít love me. My 4 yr old did say: ìBad Mommy! I donít love you any more!!!!!î And I can see it in her eyes at that moment.
What is love?
I would say: Love is that deep, deep passion and desire that never goes away very far, and it comes back almost any moment that you think of it, even after you forget about it for a few years.
If you ìalways had a big issue with this.î it would be benefiting to dig to the bottom of this, so you understand yourself better. It would help to end this vicious cycle sooner. The world IS a better place when you can feel ìloveî (passionÖ crazyÖ excitementÖ).
Sherri
Just a few thoughts:
I have come to realize that a lot of the times, people use the word ìLoveî when they feel strong emotion and attraction towards another person, when they feel out of control while ëmeeting someone newí. No doubt I have done that many times in the past. When I try to apply the word ìPassionî onto those situation (at a later time), it seems to fit better. I have no doubt that passion is a part of ìfalling in loveî. But, whether or not one could fall all the way to the bottom, is really the question. There are just about a million reasons to cause the process to stop, some internal and some external.
Passion last longer when we are young. As we getting mature, it cools off faster as we become better in regaining the control of our emotions. Personally, I donít want to be too mature that I canít feel passion any more.
ìStarting from my childhood, I questioned my love for my parents.î I would suspect that your parents were some what severe or stiff in expressing their love to you. I have known some mother never kissed her son since he was few month old. There is a psychological reason why she was not able to do that, and the reason came from her childhood of cause. As a child, we all need love and comfort from our parents. Since our needs could be more than what our parents able to give, we would be disappointed, upset, and therefore donít want to love them any more.
Now I am a mother of two (2 yr and 4 yr old). Often time, due to circumstances, I am not able to fulfill my childrenís needs. So from time to time, I would give them extra attention just to make up for their loss. There are times, I have to punish them and they would be very upset of cause. But I made a rule for myself that never allow a bitter ending. When they are willing to consider my comfort after punishment, I always hold and caress them, kiss them many, many times, and ask them not to do that next time. They always give me their promises after that (not always keeping it though), and definitely getting better. When there is nothing much going on, they would come and kiss me every half an hour, and tell me they love me, and that I am the best Mommy. But one fact remains: when they are upset, they donít love me. My 4 yr old did say: ìBad Mommy! I donít love you any more!!!!!î And I can see it in her eyes at that moment.
What is love?
I would say: Love is that deep, deep passion and desire that never goes away very far, and it comes back almost any moment that you think of it, even after you forget about it for a few years.
If you ìalways had a big issue with this.î it would be benefiting to dig to the bottom of this, so you understand yourself better. It would help to end this vicious cycle sooner. The world IS a better place when you can feel ìloveî (passionÖ crazyÖ excitementÖ).
Sherri
#4 Guest_guest_z_*
Posted 14 August 2005 - 01:58 PM
you can feel "The world IS a better place when you can feel ìloveî (passionÖ crazyÖ excitementÖ)."
but love is NOT passion and excitement. I'd love someone I trust and respect more than anything.
but love is NOT passion and excitement. I'd love someone I trust and respect more than anything.
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