[shygirl]

Hello, i'm just wondering if anyone is able to offer any help on this one. Since I was approx 14 (over 20 years ago) I have on and off suffered from an intense fear of blushing. I'm aware this sounds quite rediculous, but at times and particularly for the last few years it has become almost debilitating. It's ruining friendships, job prospects etc. I can't bring myself to sit in meetings, i'll make any excuse not to be the centre of attention. At work i'm practically hopping out of my seat every few seconds, terrified a colleague will come and talk to me in case I blush. I'm worse with males, terrified that i'll blush and then they and others will think that I find them attractive etc. I'll avoid speaking, being in social situations and really lose the plot if i'm surrounded or worse feel trapped and unable to get away from people. Any ideas?

[Trying]

Ok, rather than give you pages and pages on techniques that will help you, which probably won't, or maybe only a little bit, which isn't what you want anyway, I'm simply going to tell you what I wish I had been able to tell myself when I started blushing (also at 14), which would have eased the agony I went through.

I know it sounds simple and silly, but what's the worst that could happen if you laughed openly about yourself and said out loud "oh, there I go, I'm going red again!!! I always go red!" or something to that effect? What do you think they'll think? That there is something weird about you or that you're just a human being, who blushes? The truth is, what will make them also feel uncomfortable in turn is not your blushing, but their seeing your discomfort about blushing.

This is known as mirroring. We get a reaction according to our actions - and it is usually an exact reflection of our behaviour. If you look ill at ease, people tend to turn away from you because they start to feel ill it ease. Even really confident people will do this, partly because they are trying to make things easier on you by turning away. But usually the shy blusher interprets this as a rejection and it all goes bad and badder from here.

People really don't mind, you know - all that you need to do is not mind yourself. It is the one attitude that will help you: once you DON'T CARE, going red won't get in your way anymore. T

PS: Boys quite like it when girls blush because it makes them feel all 'knight in shining armour'. The manly protector!

[Jay]

Hi

probably not the psychological answer you might be looking for, but a few years ago an operation was developed that basically switchs off the 'gland' or whatever it is that causes blushing - maybe you caould ask your GP about it or do some research over the web - for some people just the thought of blushing makes them blush