[Benjamin Fry]

I can see that you have been there, done everything and got the T-shirt. Congratulations on maintaining a sense of humour about it!

Actually the answer is not ìto pull yourself togetherî but instead to let yourself fall apart. I perceive from what you say that you may exhibit a degree of emotional self-control (who told you to ìpull yourself togetherî?) which would dovetail with a history of eating disorders. It also fits with the trouble you are having ìsurrendering to Godî in OA. The food is likely to be a physical manifestation of a need to form a barrier between yourself and the emotional reality that you would be experiencing were it not to be treated with the food. It is that emotional reality that you need to find a safe way to reach.

For me the answer to this was to be able to understand the process that was going on inside my own mind. That is why I likened it to the difference between watching an illusionist with and without an understanding how it does this trick. With a little knowledge what can seem baffling and frightening to observe becomes ordinary and commonplace.

It is this knowledge which is the subject of my book and a structured rational explanation of what's wrong with me. Here it is as requested in a nutshell:

1) you are the product of millions of years of evolution. The very fact that you are alive reveals that you are above all an organism that is programmed to survive. Happiness is a very much secondary consideration. Safety comes first.

2) uniquely among species (so it seems) you have a conscious mind. This allows you to observe your own self, your environment, and your universe. Understanding your environment can be a big help with your survival. However being able to observe yourself can be a big obstacle to happiness if you donít like (or donít feel safe with) what you see.

3) there is a great deal of activity in your own mind of which you are unaware. This is your unconscious mind. This part of your brain is very capable and very active but we tend to dismiss it because weíre so pleased with our conscious mind.

4) your unconscious mind contains your greater wisdom and is seeking to bring you to a place of great happiness. In order to direct you towards an emotional resolution to allow you to move on in life, it creates within your own mind projections which alter your perception of reality. These projections provoke an emotional response and are designed to be helpful for you to process the trauma which you store in your body. We resist the flowing out of the feelings from the thawing of this trauma (e-motions) because our conscious mind doesnít understand them and is therefore scared of them.

5) projections cause all manner of complications in relationships. Specifically when it appears that two people can have very different views about this same reality. This is because they are having different projections placed over their mutual reality by their differing unconscious minds.

6) the same idea extends into society. We create the bogeyman in other tribes and nations to represent what we most fear within ourselves or what is closest to us. The recent global schism between the American administration and the Muslim world is a typical example.

7) the way we relate to the idea of god is in a sense our ultimate projection. We may not be able to test the reality of god's existence but it would seem that we are very capable of using the idea of god to carry many of the more highly functioning processes of our own minds, bodies and soul. (this notion may particularly be useful to you if you are struggling to accept the traditional notion of ìGodî as part of your 12-step work.)

Thus the secret to it all is to stop the conscious mind impeding the important work of the unconscious mind. This means that whatever your life is, wherever you are, whatever you are experiencing and whoever you are with, these people, events and the projections that you place over them are there by your own design ñ simply to help you experience certain difficult and troubling emotions. If you react like the ignorant audience to an illusionist trick and run away in fear from these emotions, then they will repeat, and repeat, and repeat until you accept them. If however you view this illusion from position of knowledge and wisdom, you can just accept your emotions and let the whole process flow.

In a way your whole life is a self-help workshop. The more fully and fearlessly you participate in it the more quickly you will be rewarded and move on to different tests.

I know it's a large nut that fits in this nutshell, but I hope it's of some help.

[Jo 1]

Thank you Ben, I have printed out your reply and stuck it on my fridge along with my "healing words" fridge magnets! Lol.

You can tell how codependent I am because I am worried that you will be inundated with so many queries on this site that you'll not have time to do anything let alone answer any of them. I'll let that one go just for now.

You talk a lot about the unconscious mind and it containing your greater wisdom - I think I'd agree with this - do you suggest hypnotherapy or anything else as a helpful way of accessing this? Are there any other ways for a very practical, down to earth, non-flaky person to develop these skills other than opting out of life and meditating under a tree forever?

Also, when does your book come out? I am now dying to read it. You've spoken the most sense I've heard for a long time.

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Jo

[Benjamin Fry]

I understand what a complement it is to be on your fridge! Thank you.

I think that the really hard part of all of this (and one that I am quite determined to try to address generally) is exactly how to absorb the wisdom available to all of us from the sages of our planet and not have to spend the rest of our life up a mountain on retreat.

I personally enjoy yoga as a way to settle my busy conscious mind and let other subtler processes emerge. Yoga has become a bit of a clichÈ now but there are other ways to contact your unconscious processes that can also be part of a ìnormalî life. All forms of creative endeavour would work to some extent - even just taking half an hour to walk round an art gallery. Any meditative practice like meditating, yoga or tai chi (or just painting the wall) is useful. Bringing this quality to your daily life even in the small details of routine would also have some benefits.

Otherwise if you are looking for ways to get others to help you to do it, I would be partial to a bit of acupuncture myself, but each person responds differently to different treatments. If you are thinking of hypnotherapy, perhaps then this is the voice of your greater wisdom already making itself heard.

Iím hoping that my book will be out by the end of the year but thereís no firm date yet and it could be later if the Christmas lists get too crowded. You can pre-order by clicking on wwwyou?books below if you like.