Hello Benjamin,
I am finding your website really good and fascinating.
Truly amazing how most people in debt are in denial.
So ok this leads on to me.........
I'm 30 living at home and paying no rent/bills earning about £27K per annum.
I really do not know where all my money goes and what i spend it on.
I have analysed my spending habits and have found that most of the time i am really good ( i have 2 savings accounts which i regularly put money into )
but then i have moments when i binge spend. Mostly on going out paying for people or going on holiday.
i have tried to trace back to childhood where i picked up any bad habits but i can not seem to find any. Everything seems to be fine back then apart from dad worked alot and then i did go through a phase of stealing money from him to spend on myself.
That soon stopped as he would get very angry but since then all is well again.
Maybe you can shed some light on this??
i just want to feel relaxed about spending money and not be in debt !!
thanks
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help ! where does all the money go??
#2 Guest_Guest_terri_*
Posted 30 April 2005 - 07:25 PM
A good way of finding out where all your money goes is to make a list of all your outgoings, just like they do on the Spendaholics programme.
To start with, for the next month try to keep a receipt for every single thing you buy, whether it is by cash or card. Then at the end of the month gather all your receipts together, together with a list of any standing orders or direct debits you might have. Put the receipts into piles of similar items, eg 'food', 'petrol', 'clothes', 'trains', 'hobbies', 'car expenses'. You also need to include things which perhaps only crop up once a year or quarterly, such as telephone bills or car tax. Work out the monthly cost of these. Once you've done that, start to make a list of everything and the total amount you spend on each category. For instance:
Rent £300
Electric £30
Water £5
TV License £10
Car tax £10 (£120/year divided by 12 to find the monthly cost)
Petrol £100
Car insurance £30
Mobile phone £25
and so on. If you do this you'll end up with a list of what you spend each month on average. Hopefully the total will work out at less than what you earn per month. If not, like me, you're in trouble!! When you've made your list it's then a matter of trying to work out what, if anything, you can cut down on or cut out completely.
Unfortunately in my case my income (11K a year before tax!) is so low that even with a carefully manicured list of expenses and knowing exactly where all my money goes, it really doesn't help much
But anyway, making a list like this is the best advice I can give if you want to know exactly where your money goes.
To start with, for the next month try to keep a receipt for every single thing you buy, whether it is by cash or card. Then at the end of the month gather all your receipts together, together with a list of any standing orders or direct debits you might have. Put the receipts into piles of similar items, eg 'food', 'petrol', 'clothes', 'trains', 'hobbies', 'car expenses'. You also need to include things which perhaps only crop up once a year or quarterly, such as telephone bills or car tax. Work out the monthly cost of these. Once you've done that, start to make a list of everything and the total amount you spend on each category. For instance:
Rent £300
Electric £30
Water £5
TV License £10
Car tax £10 (£120/year divided by 12 to find the monthly cost)
Petrol £100
Car insurance £30
Mobile phone £25
and so on. If you do this you'll end up with a list of what you spend each month on average. Hopefully the total will work out at less than what you earn per month. If not, like me, you're in trouble!! When you've made your list it's then a matter of trying to work out what, if anything, you can cut down on or cut out completely.
Unfortunately in my case my income (11K a year before tax!) is so low that even with a carefully manicured list of expenses and knowing exactly where all my money goes, it really doesn't help much
But anyway, making a list like this is the best advice I can give if you want to know exactly where your money goes.
#3
Benjamin Fry 
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Posted 05 May 2005 - 08:18 AM
It is likely that you were angry with your father because you didnít see him very much. Probably you felt safe on an instinctive level when he was around and his absences scared you. Fear often is manifest as anger. You would have been unable to articulate your anger because this also would have been threatening and you would have wished to have good relations with your father when he was around. So you needed another way to show your resentment. Stealing his money (which presumably he was away earning) is an elegant solution. It punishes him directly for his absence. Then spending it on yourself redresses the balance of what he ìowedî you.
It is likely that you are still punishing your father with your binge spending. There may be a fantasy that if you are in debt he will bale you out. Or it may just be an illogical emotional reaction to threat. What you need to observe carefully is what is going on and how you are feeling when you binge. It is likely that you are feeling abandoned or let down ñ perhaps by a man.
One solution would be to start to unpack and articulate how you felt about your fatherís absence as a child. You could do this by talking with him directly about it if that is now possible. Or you could keep a journal to record your feelings and behaviour in this area. Or you could discuss it with a counsellor.
On a practical level you might consider restricting your access to money in the moment so that you have a chance to recover an emotional centre before the binge is complete.
It is likely that you are still punishing your father with your binge spending. There may be a fantasy that if you are in debt he will bale you out. Or it may just be an illogical emotional reaction to threat. What you need to observe carefully is what is going on and how you are feeling when you binge. It is likely that you are feeling abandoned or let down ñ perhaps by a man.
One solution would be to start to unpack and articulate how you felt about your fatherís absence as a child. You could do this by talking with him directly about it if that is now possible. Or you could keep a journal to record your feelings and behaviour in this area. Or you could discuss it with a counsellor.
On a practical level you might consider restricting your access to money in the moment so that you have a chance to recover an emotional centre before the binge is complete.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#4 Guest_buxton_*
Posted 09 May 2005 - 11:40 AM
Hi Benjamin,
Interesting theory but i am not sure whether true . Maybe i am still in denial !
Anyway so i am 15K in debt and will now tackle the situation by limiting how much money is accessible to me especially during binge moments.
I will also address the father issue but writing down everything, i just find it strange how in a family i am the only one who binges ??
Thanks for your advice
Interesting theory but i am not sure whether true . Maybe i am still in denial !
Anyway so i am 15K in debt and will now tackle the situation by limiting how much money is accessible to me especially during binge moments.
I will also address the father issue but writing down everything, i just find it strange how in a family i am the only one who binges ??
Thanks for your advice
#5
Deb
- Member
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- Group: Members
- Posts: 23
- Joined: 23-May 05
Posted 23 May 2005 - 01:11 AM
When I worked for someone else I had a fairly responsible and time consuming job. While I quite enjoyed it and found it a fun and mentally stimulating way to spend a day, we too spent more than we earned, covered by a house which conveniently went up in value to cover it.
For me I think a lot of my personal spending was to reward myself for going to work. It was a way of personally recognising the amount of effort I was putting into my work. I am guessing from your salary that you have a full time job. Don't underestimate the amount of effort it takes to go to work.
I realise that when we work what we get in 'reward' for that work is money, but money of itself is nothing. You don't get to benefit from it, to do anything for yourself with it, unless you spend it.
For me I think a lot of my personal spending was to reward myself for going to work. It was a way of personally recognising the amount of effort I was putting into my work. I am guessing from your salary that you have a full time job. Don't underestimate the amount of effort it takes to go to work.
I realise that when we work what we get in 'reward' for that work is money, but money of itself is nothing. You don't get to benefit from it, to do anything for yourself with it, unless you spend it.
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