Rudo!!

Rudo!! Thursday's Spendaholics - 31st March

#1 Guest_Eureka_*

Group: Guests

Posted 31 March 2005 - 09:27 PM

THAT was amazing!!!

I have just watched the Spendaholics programme on BBC3 and I am so.. I can't even think of the right word... but I guess overwhelmed will do! Rudo and her issues SO mirror mine, it's like you answered almost every question I could ever have asked... though I am still pondering on how rhey alculated a spenf of £2K on water per year.. I have a similar water addiction and I'm sure I don't spend that much!

But family issues, lack of support from BOTH parents, feeling pushed out (by younger, prettier, smarter, less 'difficult' siblings) and ignored... from what was said to Rudo I can totally see how I have been affected and it shows in my attitude to money. Like Rudo I have made several attempts to 'get straight' but have never managed to stick to it for long... but watching Rudo do it, and feeling what she was feeling (yes, I even cried, got some of my own sad going on!)... I am going to DO IT. Not TRY, but succeed.

Also like Rudo, I have a creative side - I have always loved to paint and write, but this talent (and I know I do have a talent because people DO comment on it given a glimpse at it - I keep it well hidden) has never been acknowledged by my parents, and I too was both felt to feel it wasn't a 'real' career or simply made to feel I was being ridiculous thinking I could achieve anything at all. I have done paintings that my friends have taken and won't return... maybe I'd feel better if I had some just for me, to loko at and feel good about.

I would really like to get in touch with Rudo, see how she is doing, I also live in South London and we have a scary amount in common.. so Rudo - if you're out there - get in touch! I think you did really well on the show and I'm SO proud of you, I'm sure you're still sticking with it and proving to the doubters that you CAN achieve anything you set your mind to.

#2 Guest_babylove_*

Group: Guests

Posted 31 March 2005 - 10:54 PM

"...hole with not enough love" I know a very common feeling and key to many addictions and afflictions, but brought tears to my eyes - very powerful - prompted me to check out benjamin fry on the web - and here I am. There's a weird groucho connection too... hmm.

#3 Guest_juliet_*

Group: Guests

Posted 20 September 2005 - 08:48 PM

how do you fill that 'hole'? I know its there but how do I fill it?

#4 Sherri

Advanced Member

Group: Members
Posts: 46
Joined: 26-November 04

Posted 21 September 2005 - 01:14 AM

"...hole with not enough love"

It was a hole, because I didnít get enough from my parents what I needed as a child. For years, I was looking for a way to fill that hole, but I couldnít. Partially it is because I can not go back to be a child again (so it just wonít give me the same satisfaction even if I get it now). And partially because my parents are not aware of it enough. They didnít, and they may never do, as far as I can see. Staring at my ëholeí gives me nothing but heart ache and anger. It makes me feel like that child again, that sad child.

Somehow, the ëholeí started filling up after I became a mother. I give my children as much love as I could (not spoil them though). Looking at their satisfied smile, feeling their intense hugs and kisses, my ëholeí gets filled. My children and I are filling it. It feels so powerful that I am not in the position of NEED, but instead, in the position of GIVING. The ëholeí starts fading when there is no more NEED to be fulfilled.

I still hope, from time to time, that my parents would one day realize how little love and affection they had shown me when I was a child. But that heart ache is not there any more. It feels so far awayÖ and I feel so grown up. :-)

Sherri

#5 Guest_Juliet_*

Group: Guests

Posted 07 October 2005 - 08:08 PM

Sherri - thank you. Maybe that explains my desire to be a mum so much! I think you're right about not being able to go back and 'fix it'. Maybe the best thing to do is be sad about it a bit, see if I can improve my relationship with my parents and get on with getting myself to be a loving partner, daughter, sister, friend and, when I'm ready, a mum too. And while I'm at it, give me a bit of love too. :mellow: