[vix21]

Im in a bit of a life crisis really, 6 months ago i split up with my ex who i lived with. It was my decision to leave as i wasnt happy with him and felt i needed something more in my life. I brought the house with him when i was 19, i was very young but we had been together 4 years by then and felt like the right thing to do. Im 21 now and i just feel my life is still upside down 6 months later. I lost my home to him because i couldnt afford to keep it, and im now living with my nan, but feel completely unsettled. When we split up i did things i regret, things that werent me, at one point i hit rock bottom. I started seeing a boy who cheated and hurt me and stole alot of money. That left me so messed up. I have picked my life back up, im with someone who i fell in love with 4 years ago, hes been so good to me and loves me so much, but i feel so scared now that ill get hurt. I worry over so many silly things that i cant settle.
My ex has now moved his new girlfriend into the house i once owned, who she was also a friend of mine, which really hurt me. My ex is very nasty to me now and has said some nasty things to me. I dont know why it all bothers me. I feel like i dont know where to turn from here, i do miss my old life, but not my ex, i feel totaly gutted i lost my home. Theres so many things that upset me still and no one seems to understand how im feeling. In 6 months my whole life just turned upside down.
I really do love the person im with, but im so unhappy and unsettled with everything else in my life right now. I panic and let things get me down. Im really fed up of feeling this way i just have no idea how to make myself feel better.

[Benjamin Fry]

Take it a little bit easy on yourself. You have been through a lot of separations and abuse. Perhaps you could allow yourself a little distance from these people and places. You need to recognise that no-one finds the end of relationships easy. Everyone gets upset if they lose their home. It doesnít sound to me that you were taking very good care of yourself during this difficult time. That should probably be your first priority.

Iíd recommend a simply regime of restoring some self-respect. This starts with the body. Eat well. Drink and smoke less. Take regular exercise. Then take a look at your appearance. Maybe you get your hair done or reorganise your clothes. Next take this pride in yourself to the external level. Donít put yourself in the position where other people can hurt you. Stay away from obnoxious behaviour, and if it starts, just leave. The more you can do to tell yourself deep down that you deserve to be treated nicely, the quicker you will start a platform from which to build a new life.

Remember that you are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. No-one had died and nothing irreversible has been done. You will come back from this a stronger person, but you do need to find a solid foundation from which to start. Find that by simply nurturing yourself. Then later you can look into these issues perhaps more deeply to see what might be underlying what has happened. It is likely that there are some emotional issues connected with separation and loss in your earlier life. When you feel ready, it would be a good idea to think about getting some counselling to see if you can learn something about yourself from this relationship that can help you to improve your present and future ones.