[truetigress]

Benjamin,

I am a mother of one. A first time mom and extremely happy to have been blessed with a beautiful healthy baby girl. I'm 34 and my husband is 29 and I couldn't have been happier that I finally found the one I can share my life with. We've been married now going on two years. Ours was a most incredible story the way we had given up on finding that one special person that could make us feel "complete", and suddenly there he was and there I was for him. Like a match made in heaven. When our baby girl was born, I was so happy as was he and he's been a tremendous helpful father. I've also settled into a happy role as mom...
With knowing all of this you would think that I should not even be writing here. Yet I am. I've been to our regular family doctor, the Emergency Room at the hospital...even sent to a cardiologist. I had been suffering unexplained palpitations. I stopped drinking tea and eating chocolate instantly because I knew that too much caffeine could cause heart palpitations. I waited the 14 days or so after for the palpitations to subside. They haven't. One night I was checking my blood pressure and it seemed to be high. I sat in a chair and I took it again almost soon after and I thought the blood pressure cuff was going to explode the numbers were just too much.
I'm a natural worrier. I have so many things I've worried about, things that have nothing to do with my family of three. It all comes from what others have given me. I'm like the proverbial sponge when it comes to wanting to "help" others. My advice has helped many...when they wish to seek it and choose to take it. Problem is I have a best friend who messed up her life because she is unable to love, I have a mother who despite having countless times spent in the hospital unable to breathe, decided to take on my three great nephews because their mother has taken her other son down south to a Cancer center. I have a sister who is a hypochondriac living in South Carolina. She's basically overmedicating her family to where they are having more health problems than if they'd stay medicine free.
Not only have I taken in my extended family's problems but also my husband's family has problems of their own. Just like that sponge, I tend to take in his mom's diabetic problems (including the fact that she doesn't take care of her eating habits..she believes "free" foods mean that they have no carbohydrates at all in large amounts so she eats alot more. She's also currently using an insulin pump and is very overweight.) Recently she has had to undergo surgery to remove veins in her legs that aren't functioning properly. His father spouts his anger to my husband and I hear about how he resents the fact that she's not even trying to better her health....then I also have his only sister and her family. She's got a six year old daughter who beats on her, beats on her little brother , and is basically an "out of control" child. She's a bright kid but she comes from a broken home. Her biological father abused her mom when she was just a baby and eventually they divorced. This new father does the best that he can but when she's allowed to visit her father he gives her anything she wants. Including a rifle to hunt....and that was at her 5th birthday party. Withher violent tendencies I am just afraid that she will turn out like my 28 year old nephew who is not allowed in our family (he's threatened physical harm to my mother, he doesn't respect any kind of authority, and he abuses women....(one way he does it is his string of broken hearted new mom's......)....
That's just the tip of the iceburg, now before I got married I was my mother's confidante.

I am not a certified therapist but I do offer good advice every now and then...
I think this is just anxiety and stress over everyone's problems....my medical history is good and does not reflect my symptoms. I could stand to lose some weight but I am watching what I eat and getting excersize.

My question is...could the heart palpitations be the result of all this stress that I put upon myself? Or could it be the result of post partum depression that my friend believes it is. Keep in mind that after my C-section, I was doing fantastic with my health, I love my baby. I did not experience any of the symptoms then and it isn't until last month (her tenth month) when things started to escalate.

Also at one point I had to refocus my thinking on the present....I've turned off the news because it is so grim (Bush election, tsunami). I'm a religious woman and you would think that that would offer me comfort but I find myself fearing death because I want to be around when my girl becomes a woman, gets married, has her own children...In September the church I used to attend disbanded because the two pastors had a falling out. Since then we haven't returned to that church because we don't want to "take sides" in the matter. We enjoyed them both.

I've been deep beathing, trying different relaxation techniques, and slowing down my thoughts, my words (normally I talk so fast in a conversation that others don't understand me) I sound almost robotic now but I find it helps to keep me focused. Also I have been taking on tasks one at a time whereas before it was chaotic. An example I am taking different cooking magazines and cutting out all the recipes I know I would fix, and then I'm going to organize them into making my own cookbook. It's challenging for me and I love the challenge. Still I do get these heart palpitations every once in awhile. When I lay down for bed I can especially feel it and it's like my brain goes to check on that part of my body first. So whenever it beats hard like that I try not to panic about the cause now. The cardiologist was not worried about it. Said it was right for a healthy woman like myself and that because I had no irregular heartbeat and no heart murmer and no really tight chest pains that I shouldn't worry about it. He said from my Emergency room results, that it is beating as if I walked across the floor and then sat down. He called it normal...but when it began it lasted one night for three hours straight. Sometimes it wakes me up an hour after I finally go to sleep. Presently, I am also suffering insomnia. I think because I am afraid to feel my heart rapidly beating when I lay down. When I think about it or focus on it I notice I get light headed and feel as if my inner elbows will explode. Plus I've been suffering headaches off and on. They aren't migraine strength but they are bothersome.

I think I gave you enough of my background. Truth be told , if I can fix this myself I would do it. I don't take medication for anything unless it's for an infection of some sort. Even taking a vitamin every morning is hard for me. I forget or just don't want to take one.

I have not had nor I don't think I will have any episodes of suicidal thoughts. I am too religious to believe that doing so or hurting my family in any way would get me into heaven...I don't want to disappoint God....

I know this is a long post and I'm sorry about that but I have tried everything and just wondered if postpartum can start to happen much later on after the birth of my baby.

I look forward to hearing your advice

truetigress

[Benjamin Fry]

This issue could be a medical one. It could be post-partum. I donít know. Iím not a doctor or a psychiatrist. However it sounds like neither. To me it seems consistent with the milder symptoms of panic or anxiety attacks. It is possible that you live in such a state of generalised anxiety that your only point of reference for an attack is to notice the physical changes; such as high blood pressure and a fluttering heart.

Iím wondering about the ìtenth monthî. Is it possible that you yourself went through something difficult in your own infancy at about the same time? These anxiety attacks could easily be triggered by the proximity of your child. You may be using her as a projective identification to yourself at the same age. Children often bring out the repressed feelings in us simply because they powerfully return us to our own childhood. (that is why children are so much abused and repressed, and ñ I think ñ also the reason for postnatal depression).

You probably need to do an audit on your own early childhood and see if you can find anything that would have brought about a sense of panic in you as a baby. If you can, then focus in on this issue and try to do some emotional work around it. You could write about it or see a counsellor. This should result in bringing the issue more honestly into contact with your emotions. Then feelings of anxiety would make sense and bother you less, leaving the rest of your day with less pressure to deal with them.

Overall Iíd recommend that you take these issues to a qualified therapist once you have exhausted the medical routes. It is likely that talking about what is going on would produce some immediate relief of the symptoms, and that in the long run this is also your best solution.