[marina]

After receiving a counselling session (talking therapy) and being delighted at the results - I felt a lot less depressed and had more energy etc - I was somewhat disappointed at my second session. I had written notes on how I had benefited from the first session, and had things I wanted to explore eg I have been reading about Adult Children of Alcoholics and wanted to discuss how the way in which I had adapted to survive in what became a dysfunctional family was no longer helping me and in fact was causing me difficulties now. - I wanted help in
pin-pointing that behaviour and realising that it is just a habit that I had picked up. Then if I can recognise and become conscious of that behaviour, I can then change it. Instead the cousellor decided to do some (unexpected) guided imagery. I did an excercise which involved focusing on the pain I have been experiencing in my shoulder blades and sensing the 'feeling' from it. I saw it as a black ball and mentally tried to disolve it. I then went further into it and saw myself at the age of around 9 or 10. I was in my nightie and was alone and afraid. I was crying and inconsolable and I then asked for my Dad to comfort me. I did a further excerise of then telling him how his actions had hurt me and left me feeling alone and afraid and that I felt as he couldn't accept his responsibilties as a parent, it made me feel that he didn't love me fully. I then had to enter his heart and see what was there and inside it was like an open would. There was sadness and confusion. It was as though he was distant and still not taking responsibility for his actions, as though he was unaware of the pain he had caused others. I then had to forgive him with the help of my angels and god. Then I came out of this state slowly, embracing the young girl and bringing her back into me and leaving my Father in a fire of unconditional love....I now saw the ball as being a little smaller and a shiny silver, like chrome.

The thing is I am a very rational and quite cynical person and I am really not sure if I was inventing this whole thing to please the therapist. I am not sure either whether this pain in my shoulders is emotional or whether it is from sitting here tying too much!! The images I visualised weren't particularly pleasant. Seeing myself inconsolable has remained on my mind and looking into my Fathers heart was really horrible too. The fact is I do have a good imagination and can invent a good story. So how much of this did I invent and how much is stored pain and was I really in touch with these things or was I imagining it. Clearly the counsellor wants to help and has found this technique to be helpful with some people. I really found the first session of talking about events beneficial and the depression, dizziness, lethargy, negativity etc really has lifted - although I still think I could improve more. But I know feel confused by this experience as it was pretty unpleasant and I dont really want to go there again.

Any opinions on this experience and the various theraputic methods?

[Benjamin Fry]

Iím glad to hear that you are doing so well. Your commitment to yourself seems to be really paying off.

Iíve done some stuff like this myself, and other things perhaps weirder besides. It can be a little bit of a shock when you are ìguidedî beyond your current limits of metaphysical awareness. Shock is not great. Much of the difficulty of therapy is to recover from shock. It is important therefore that you feel safe and secure with your therapist.

So thereís two ways to look at this. If you go to Harry Potter with a broken leg, he waves his want and then you walk away, do you really need to know what was in his wand? Or alternatively, it is important that your therapist understands what is ok for you and fully investigates how you feel about a technique before it is done. Your permission is vital, and ideally your therapist should see through any efforts to give it just to please them.

I think that the important thing to come back to here is that you feel good. If your only anxiety is that you canít square it with your vision of the universe, then relax: you are in good company. If Shakespeare believed that there was more to heaven and earth that is dreamt of in our philosophy, then perhaps we should just go with him on that.

Ultimately you have a choice: do you reject something that made you feel better because you donít understand it, or do you broaden your horizons to incorporate something that made you feel better? My guess about you is that you are inclined to be bold enough to want to do the latter, but you need to go at a comfortable pace. This may have been a little much, a little too soon.

You should take that back to your counsellor and donít be afraid to bring it up. Counsellors are trained not to take offence and understand that the most important thing is for you to be able to say whatever you need to say in order to feel safe.

[marina]

I feel the talking therapy worked for me but really didn't feel any release from the guided imagery. I think it was what she wanted to do rather than what was best for me. I was wanting to talk about things like I had the time before, and she said 'lets try this little exercise' and went into the guided imagery. She didn't explain what she was going to do, what the benefits were likely to be (if any) or that I may feel uncomfortable, or even that I didn't have to do it. Theoretically if I am getting in touch with painful emotions then its not going to be a walk in the park, but I would rather talk about real things that have happened and how they made me feel, than invent things to appease a counsellor, especially as I am paying the counsellor.

This experience hasn't put me off counselling as the first session really did seem to help, but I would consider seeing someone with a different approach next time.

[Benjamin Fry]

Iím very impressed that you can be so specific about who was doing what for whom. This is often a very hard dynamic to negotiate in your mind in therapy or counselling. The reality of course is that the therapist always has some kind of agenda and always has a reason for being there. This can be benign, such as a school of thought and a desire to simply do interesting work, or it can become more invasive, such as a zeal for some particular technique, or an unconscious need to feed of other peopleís problems.

Your own emotional literacy seems to be working very well. This is likely to be a result of all of your hard work on your issues. When you are honest with yourself, it is easier to see others clearly.

Iíd strongly recommend that you take these issues back to your counsellor. It would be a challenge for you to express your feelings live to her. You could then either negotiate a way forward, or leave the relationship feeling like you had your say. These are sometimes the hardest conversations to have, and yet sometimes the most transforming.