[Juliette]

Hello, I'm new to this forum, though I've spent a few hours perusing some of the other posts and come to the conclusion that it seems like a really good place to seek some advice.

Briefly, I've been seeing a counsellor for the last six weeks regarding my relationship with my mother, which is quite dire to say the least. My childhood was one based on neglect and insecurity, and I've felt this from a young age but never really become aware of just how much it's affected and continues to affect me.

I know there are many issues I've to work through and in theory I'm so far doing okay talking about. Intellectually I can rationalise situations and experiences that occured in my childhood and understand how they come to affect how i operate in my adult life, the patterns of behaviour I subconciously have chosen and how they affect those around me, but after spending time talking about my past briefly with my counsellor so she can try to understand how I see the world, it feels like I've come to the sticky bit.

In my mind when I go over all the things that have happened to me that've contributed to making me the 'me' I am today, I get to a point where I feel angry or tremendously sad, lost and alone but then cut myself off from these emotions. It doesn't feel terribly hard to acknowledge to myself that I feel these emotions initially,but I just don't seem able to let them flow to a point where I can really allow myself to get 'fully stuck into feeling'.

I've got to the point with my counsellor where she (I think) is trying to guide me gently into opening up a little more with the deep down crux of everything, but sometimes I just feel really stuck for words, it's almost unexplainable, and I can't find the words for how I want to express myself. It isn't so much the saying of specific events that have happened, I can almost verbalise those without any real feeling, it's more the totally intense emotion that comes with someone being so objectively focussed on me and how I feel, that makes me uncomfortable.

I know I'm being slightly vague here and don't know if there's any more depth needed for any advice to come my way. I think what I'm trying to say is that I find the thought of truly opening up very scary to myself let alone in a safe counselling enviroment and when those lost, lonely,angry and sad feelings come i block them out instantly. So maybe what I'm trying to ask help about is how on earth do you allow yourself to really to tap into those emotions without rejecting them so some progress can be made? Really quite stuck on this :0(

Thanks to any who reply in advance..much appreciated.

[Benjamin Fry]

Firstly Iíd like to just validate that you are doing really well. We are used in our society to quick fixes but therapy takes time. The issue you raise is something that we have all faced. It finds its own resolution in time. Understanding comes before emotion. Sometimes the connection from knowing to feeling can take a while. This is because you are fighting a battle between the part of you that thinks these feelings are dangerous and the part that thinks repressing them is worse. Give it time and respect that you are doing what you need to keep yourself safe.

On a practical note, you can also work on yourself from a different angle to your mind. This can help move the blocks from another direction. Body work is a great accompaniment. In your case perhaps the physical contact of a massage might be a good thing to try. Also I always think that yoga, tai chi or meditation is a great accompaniment to difficult therapy.