[sandra12]

Hello Beb, my name is Sandra Wheatley I am a Counsellor and have been in practice for 20 years. I recently took on a new client. She is 55 5feet 6inches weight about 8 stone. She looks draen, pale, tired and older than her years. She wrings her hands, crys a lot and appears very anxious.

Her presenting problem is OCD that is linked to some kind of blurred sexual activity that took place with her when she was a baby and young child. Her Mother she believes is the person who did these things to her, Mother is now dead as is her Father.

I will call her (Mary) not her real name. Mary is married and has two grown up children one boy and one girl. Her ocd and sexual thoughts and fears are centered around children and young women. When she sees a certain colour or piece of girls underwear, it triggers off a 'twitching' (her words) in her sexual regions. This is a very unpleasant feeling for her. This then triggers off thoughts of sex with children, sex with young girls, even sex with her grand daughter and daughter. She has never done any of this it is only thoughts.

However, the thoughts are graphic and terrifiying for her. They make her physically sick, she has problems with her bowels, she gets sweaty, tense, tearful and very frightened.

Her OCD is advanced and affects most of her life. She cannot take a book off of the shelf in a shop without looking at every book on the shelf. She cannot send a card to someone without looking first at every card in the shop. She cannot throw away any paper and often throws is away, brings it back in, throws it away etc many times manybe 50-60 times before finally she is able to either throw it away or keep it.

There are many examples as I am sure you can imagine.

Mary has no clear thoughts of any sexual abuse the thoughts are shadowy and vague. She does however have a clear view that it was her Mother and that her Father did know what was going on.

Mary has tried many Doctors and spent lots of money in a bid to get 'well' she has now sought my help and I must admit that I am really stuck on how to help her.

Can you recommend anything that will bring her some immediate relief please. And maybe a longer strategy.

Many Thanks

Sandra Wheatley

[Benjamin Fry]

Firstly Iím flattered that youíd be interested in my opinion but the truth is that you have been a practicing counsellor longer than Iíve been an adult so Iím not sure how much use I can be.

What strikes me immediately is that you are in the forum, not ìMaryî. I think that you will have to think about the possibility that you are here for yourself and not for Mary.

What you describe are some very overwhelming issues. Particularly frightening is the possibility that unless you do a good job (or even if you do too good a job too quickly) then Mary might be pushed into actually acting out on these thoughts. I suspect that you are very concerned about the possibility of a causal relationship between your treatment of Mary and a hypothetical act of sexual abuse by her on a child in the future. This is a heavy burden of responsibility for your to bear and therefore it would seem normal that you would like help shouldering it.

It might help you to look for a supervisor in your area who could help you to navigate this issue and to lessen your own anxiety about handling it. You may already have this support in place, but if not, perhaps this is a case that is worth getting back up on, if only to allow you to feel that you have the structure in place to allow you to work unencumbered by your own concerns.

Mary faces the difficult task of getting in touch with very early, very strong and very frightening emotions. These are currently knocking about her nervous system causing mayhem. They need release, but this too will be painful and disturbing. All you can do is to accompany her into that dark place if she is able to go there. In order to do so, you need to make sure that your own anxieties about going there do not unconsciously communicate to Mary that it is not safe. Take care of yourself first, and then Mary may have a chance.

Trust that there is a broader wisdom at work in bringing her to you. Trust that this is guiding her and that she is taking the action that her life needs. Your task is to find the courage to let go of that responsibility and to be able to stay with her through the hardest of all possible thoughts and feelings.

[sandra12]

Thanks Ben, that was very helpful. Not sure about reminding me that I have been a counsellor longer than you have been an adult.....ouch! but, your genuine care and concern helped me to see a way through this tangle of despair.

I have started working with 'Mary' with renewed hope and will, as well as offering her my expert counselling, also put her on a programme of natural herbal nerve building remedies. Often the 'problem' with OCD can be physical as the neuro transmitters in the brain are not shutting off, as they do with the average person. Anyway, I will not take up any more of your time.

Thanks and best wishes.

Sandra

[Benjamin Fry]

Best of luck. Feel free to come back if you need to.