Hi, I was hoping you could help. I think I suffer from social phobia and want to put a stop to it as it is really depressing me. I am 25 years old and since my early teens i have had a problem with blushing. I no it is normal for people to blush in embarrasing situations and I wouldnt mind if that was the case for me but it is not. I blush at the slightest thing. It only takes somebody to say hello to me and my face feels like it is going to explode. I even blush in front of my immediate family and closest friends. It is really getting me down as I avoid seeing my friends or going out on any social events for fear of blushing.
Is there any way of ovecoming this ??
Your help would be grately appreciated.
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Social Phobia
#2
Benjamin Fry 
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Posted 13 January 2005 - 07:29 PM
Have a look at the other threads in this forum on social phobia (use the search box). You may find a lot of answers there. (I think that you can have an operation to reduce blushing if all else fails ñ but I might be mistaken.)
Come back to me after you have read these and we will discuss your thoughts.
Come back to me after you have read these and we will discuss your thoughts.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#3
Hxx
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Posted 14 January 2005 - 11:17 AM
Hi Ben
Thank you for replying.
I managed to find five other topics relating to social phobia, however, I still feel non the wiser as my real problem is the fact that I blush. This is the main thing that is stoping me from enjoying social events. I would be quite an outgoing person and I do have a lot to say to people but I always avoid communication because its is guaranteed that I will blush and when I do I feel so embarrassed and end up hating myself for it. Also I notice poeple looking at me very strangely when it does happen which makes it even worse.
I have done a bit of research on the operation to help stop this problem but I wouldnt consider this an option as I have heard that it can leave you with a lot of side effects and it is not guranteed to work.
I have also heard about hypnosis and self hypnosis, but don't actually know enough to make a decision on it.
Thank you for replying.
I managed to find five other topics relating to social phobia, however, I still feel non the wiser as my real problem is the fact that I blush. This is the main thing that is stoping me from enjoying social events. I would be quite an outgoing person and I do have a lot to say to people but I always avoid communication because its is guaranteed that I will blush and when I do I feel so embarrassed and end up hating myself for it. Also I notice poeple looking at me very strangely when it does happen which makes it even worse.
I have done a bit of research on the operation to help stop this problem but I wouldnt consider this an option as I have heard that it can leave you with a lot of side effects and it is not guranteed to work.
I have also heard about hypnosis and self hypnosis, but don't actually know enough to make a decision on it.
#4
Benjamin Fry
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Posted 14 January 2005 - 01:00 PM
There are two stages to the problem here. Firstly you experience some kind of anxiety. Secondly your anxiety shows itself physically on your face, which of course then returns you to a state of greater anxiety.
Iím canít help you with the physical side but perhaps we could look at where the origin of the anxiety lies (beneath the phobia of blushing). To do so Iíd need you to think a little about when you first experienced this problem and what experiences in your early life might have had an influence of making you low in confidence in company.
Iím canít help you with the physical side but perhaps we could look at where the origin of the anxiety lies (beneath the phobia of blushing). To do so Iíd need you to think a little about when you first experienced this problem and what experiences in your early life might have had an influence of making you low in confidence in company.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#5
Hxx
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Posted 18 January 2005 - 01:48 PM
I suppose when I was in Junior school I was the shy girl of the class, only few people bothered with me because of how shy I was so I didn't have very many friends. I was seen as the easy target for kids to pick on because I would never stand up for myself. Then I moved into senior school and it was a lot harder for me because there were more children, and I feared becoming the same person I was in Junior School. But again I became the shy girl with very few friends. They would comment on the way I looked, I had very frizzy hair buck teeth the lot and they used to find it funny to tease me about these things, then every time I seen the people who passed these comments I would cringe and blush and just hope that they wouldn't say anything to me. Then they picked up on the fact that I blushed so easy and I was teased right through high school for it. They used to have little bets with their friends about how long it would take me to blush. They would shout it out so I would hear, I had no control over it so I just had to sit there feeling as though I was about to explode. It was so humiliating, It was awful I hated myself for it. I never used to try to make friends because I felt as though everybody was better than me.
I left High School though thank god and now I feel as though I have come a long way since then. I have totally changed the way I look and I am a lot happier, I can actually say I like the way I look now. But I still have the problem now about what people think of me, it always plays on my mind it doesn't matter whether I have known the person five minutes or five years I always wonder what their opinions of me are. Also I am still very intimidated by people, although it is mainly the "outgoing" "good looking" people I am intimidated most by (Maybe this is because I was teased by the "good looking" "popular" kids at school) but I still cant have a full on one to one with somebody without blushing.
I left High School though thank god and now I feel as though I have come a long way since then. I have totally changed the way I look and I am a lot happier, I can actually say I like the way I look now. But I still have the problem now about what people think of me, it always plays on my mind it doesn't matter whether I have known the person five minutes or five years I always wonder what their opinions of me are. Also I am still very intimidated by people, although it is mainly the "outgoing" "good looking" people I am intimidated most by (Maybe this is because I was teased by the "good looking" "popular" kids at school) but I still cant have a full on one to one with somebody without blushing.
#6 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 26 January 2005 - 04:22 PM
HI Benjamin,
I have noticed that you have replied to most posts apart from mine. Do I take it as you havent got the answers to help me. Really confused about this. Please advise. Thank you.
I have noticed that you have replied to most posts apart from mine. Do I take it as you havent got the answers to help me. Really confused about this. Please advise. Thank you.
#7 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 27 January 2005 - 05:07 AM
I believe he did, when he asked you to look back over past experience - finding the root of cause. The cause being self confidence.
cause and effect = symptoms
Self Esteem / confidence courses might be a starting point
cause and effect = symptoms
Self Esteem / confidence courses might be a starting point
#8
Benjamin Fry
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Posted 27 January 2005 - 07:50 PM
Sorry for the late reply. I put this on one side hoping to find out a bit more about the physical symptom. But I didnít and anyway you probably have already done all that research. I think Iíll stick to commenting just on what I tend to focus on.
Iím wondering about what was going on for you when you were much younger. You arrived at school in a ìshyî state which seems to be connected with your perception of your self-image. You may have been in reality a little unusual looking, but what is key here is how that was handled by those around you as you developed from a baby into a child. For example, did you get positive messages about yourself at home? Or were you around parents whose behaviour made you wonder what was wrong with you? Did you get a lot of social interaction as a toddler? Or were you very lonely?
It is in these places that your self-image will have been formed. This inner reality is then what is picked up on by the bullies at your school. You must have encountered unconventional looking people in life who were confident and popular. Therefore you must realise that it is something going on beneath the surface that influences you to have been so shy and so defenceless when confronted with teasing.
This explains why even now when your appearance is pleasing to you, you remain tormented by your inner image. This is effectively the sense of self that was given to you by your environment during your first few years of life.
If you want to make real inroads into solving this problem, you may need to start to look at these earliest of experiences and the messages that they gave you. Iím sure there are many superficial techniques that can help with blushing. Iím no expert on them. What I can perhaps do is to help you to understand how your past relates to your present, if you wish to delve further into it.
Iím wondering about what was going on for you when you were much younger. You arrived at school in a ìshyî state which seems to be connected with your perception of your self-image. You may have been in reality a little unusual looking, but what is key here is how that was handled by those around you as you developed from a baby into a child. For example, did you get positive messages about yourself at home? Or were you around parents whose behaviour made you wonder what was wrong with you? Did you get a lot of social interaction as a toddler? Or were you very lonely?
It is in these places that your self-image will have been formed. This inner reality is then what is picked up on by the bullies at your school. You must have encountered unconventional looking people in life who were confident and popular. Therefore you must realise that it is something going on beneath the surface that influences you to have been so shy and so defenceless when confronted with teasing.
This explains why even now when your appearance is pleasing to you, you remain tormented by your inner image. This is effectively the sense of self that was given to you by your environment during your first few years of life.
If you want to make real inroads into solving this problem, you may need to start to look at these earliest of experiences and the messages that they gave you. Iím sure there are many superficial techniques that can help with blushing. Iím no expert on them. What I can perhaps do is to help you to understand how your past relates to your present, if you wish to delve further into it.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#9 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 28 January 2005 - 02:04 PM
Hi Ben, Yes I would like to understand how my past relates to my present and hopefull get rid of all the anxiety I feel.
Everything you say makes sense, I just cannot think why I got that kind of Self perception of myself. As a child I was brought up by both parents who were still together. I had a brother a few years older than me. We were a very loving family, they made me feel so special, I was their little princess. As far as I can remember I wasnt a lonely toddler, I used to be taken round the family mixing with all my cousins. Go on days out to the local park with my Mum and Dad, sometimes my Aunt and cousin would come.
As I was growing older my Mum and Dad used to tell me that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up even a supermodel, they used to often tell me how beautiful I was, even some family members would tell me, but whist they were telling me that, I was getting the opposite at school. I beleived what my Mum and Dad were saying was true I just couldnt understand why other kids didn't see it too. I suppose that really confused me. As i got further into my teens, I realised that it was only in my Mum and Dads eyes how beautiful I was, I didnt particularly like the look of myself anymore, I always remember seeing other pretty girls at school getting all the attention from the popular boys and just wishing that one day I would look like them. I suppose this is something that every youngster goes through, maybe mine was just a bit greater
Everything you say makes sense, I just cannot think why I got that kind of Self perception of myself. As a child I was brought up by both parents who were still together. I had a brother a few years older than me. We were a very loving family, they made me feel so special, I was their little princess. As far as I can remember I wasnt a lonely toddler, I used to be taken round the family mixing with all my cousins. Go on days out to the local park with my Mum and Dad, sometimes my Aunt and cousin would come.
As I was growing older my Mum and Dad used to tell me that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up even a supermodel, they used to often tell me how beautiful I was, even some family members would tell me, but whist they were telling me that, I was getting the opposite at school. I beleived what my Mum and Dad were saying was true I just couldnt understand why other kids didn't see it too. I suppose that really confused me. As i got further into my teens, I realised that it was only in my Mum and Dads eyes how beautiful I was, I didnt particularly like the look of myself anymore, I always remember seeing other pretty girls at school getting all the attention from the popular boys and just wishing that one day I would look like them. I suppose this is something that every youngster goes through, maybe mine was just a bit greater
#10
Benjamin Fry
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Posted 01 February 2005 - 01:35 PM
Iím unable to come up with an obvious answer for the root cause of your lack of self-confidence. It may be simply that you are a naturally introverted character and that the school environment was therefore threatening for you. This could then have been compounded by your harsh experiences there and a natural tendency to blush. It may be simply that you suffered for so long in this way during school that it has become a very fixed pattern in your mind. Usually these things are an echo of something set up in earlier life, but if the experience is bad enough and repeated often enough, then I suppose that it is possible for similar symptoms to emerge from later experiences.
There is one thing that I wonder about though. Perhaps your upbringing created a conflict between what you were told about yourself and the reality of who you were. From your own description of yourself it seems like perhaps your family were trying to instil confidence in your appearance for you. This may actually have made you more aware of your appearance than necessary. You might have unconsciously detected their desire to help you and therefore wondered what was wrong. In order to maintain this fantasy, you might have unconsciously shied away from the outside world and itís objective assessment of the reality of your appearance. Certainly it seems that if you could have remained in your family circle for your childhood this problem would not have arisen. It is the reality check that caused the break in your positive self image. Perhaps you need to think a little about what was going on for you in your own mind when you first came across this obvious conflict between one set of opinions and another.
In general I suspect that some short term CBT therapy or hypnotherapy, or perhaps some NLP therapy may be able to offer you some respite from the blushing. The deeper issues of negative self-image would probably need to be unearthed with the help of a professional therapist. Ideally you should do them both so that the one helps you to be more confident about the other.
There is one thing that I wonder about though. Perhaps your upbringing created a conflict between what you were told about yourself and the reality of who you were. From your own description of yourself it seems like perhaps your family were trying to instil confidence in your appearance for you. This may actually have made you more aware of your appearance than necessary. You might have unconsciously detected their desire to help you and therefore wondered what was wrong. In order to maintain this fantasy, you might have unconsciously shied away from the outside world and itís objective assessment of the reality of your appearance. Certainly it seems that if you could have remained in your family circle for your childhood this problem would not have arisen. It is the reality check that caused the break in your positive self image. Perhaps you need to think a little about what was going on for you in your own mind when you first came across this obvious conflict between one set of opinions and another.
In general I suspect that some short term CBT therapy or hypnotherapy, or perhaps some NLP therapy may be able to offer you some respite from the blushing. The deeper issues of negative self-image would probably need to be unearthed with the help of a professional therapist. Ideally you should do them both so that the one helps you to be more confident about the other.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
#11 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 29 April 2005 - 02:46 AM
hi have just been reading these notes and would like to say i no exactly how u feel and reading into the what ben said aswell all makes sense , i have the same underlying problem but instead of blushing i get really hot flushes,i also noticed what u said about your childhood is very close to what mine was like too as in what ur parents were like and how they acted with you.school was similar aswell i am learning to cope with this though not had any advice on the subject but this has helped me greatly and is kinda comforting in a way 2 no im not the only 1 which means neither are you i say keep trying to solve it like i am it gradually does get better just takes time i have spent a year now really trying hard to find all underlying problems and its helping it was nice to come across this just browsing good luck ! 
#12
shygirl
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Posted 05 July 2005 - 06:45 PM
Hi
I just wanted to say that i'm going through exactly the same thing. My life is currently dominated by my fear of blushing...looking stupid and so on. It's taking over completely, some days i'm almost neurotic i'm worrying so much about it. It totally dictates how I live my life, where I go, who I'll speak to, where I work etc. I'm never going to move on or get promoted because that would involve having more attention. I do feel I have a lot to offer but am so scared of having the focus on me and then blush, that i'll sit and say nothing during meetings which makes me look as if I have no imagination or anything to offer. I often avoid social situations, even seeing my closest of friends because of this fear. I leap out of my chair at work if I hear footsteps in case someone is coming in to talk to me and I might blush....I can't go for lunch with colleagues because i'd feel trapped at the dinner table, how would I cope if someone came and sat down and I blushed, with no way of escape??? All sound very neurotic I know....but so much of my life, over 20 years i've learnt to live with this, i'd really like it to stop. It's much worse with males, i'm terrified that i'll blush and they'll think I fancy them, or worse others will....please help?
I just wanted to say that i'm going through exactly the same thing. My life is currently dominated by my fear of blushing...looking stupid and so on. It's taking over completely, some days i'm almost neurotic i'm worrying so much about it. It totally dictates how I live my life, where I go, who I'll speak to, where I work etc. I'm never going to move on or get promoted because that would involve having more attention. I do feel I have a lot to offer but am so scared of having the focus on me and then blush, that i'll sit and say nothing during meetings which makes me look as if I have no imagination or anything to offer. I often avoid social situations, even seeing my closest of friends because of this fear. I leap out of my chair at work if I hear footsteps in case someone is coming in to talk to me and I might blush....I can't go for lunch with colleagues because i'd feel trapped at the dinner table, how would I cope if someone came and sat down and I blushed, with no way of escape??? All sound very neurotic I know....but so much of my life, over 20 years i've learnt to live with this, i'd really like it to stop. It's much worse with males, i'm terrified that i'll blush and they'll think I fancy them, or worse others will....please help?
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