[ally]

hi, well im really confused, its from a lot of things in my life.
My brother sexually abused me when i was little but i couldn't and still can't tell my mum, and then later i was told that my father had sexually abused my older sisters, and as a result he was in hospital for the first year of my life. I used to see my dad, but he used to play power games with me and my brother, and i was also being prevented from going out with my friends as my dad wanted to see me, so i reduced the times i saw him, and then eventually stopped seeing him. My mum met a man, and he seemed nice enough, but when my mum got pregnant, he changed and became very violent, he would often lock my mum in the bathroom and hit me a few times. My mum did get out of this relationship but it was a couple of years later. My mum has now remarried and i really don't like him, i have tried talking to my mum about going to stay with my cousin and see how that goes but she has now banned me from seeing my cousin. My stepdad is quiet nasty to me and my little brother and sister but mym mum can't see it, and has been spending less and less time with me and i feel really rejected. At school i feel really paranoid as to what people think about me, and when it is a non-uniform day i often get scared that it is other pupils playing a trick on me and am constantly looking for someone that i know that isn't in uniform. I get paranoid about a lot of other things too, and am constantly feeling bad about myself and feeling depressed a lot of the time. I do have a really close friend but now she has just got a boyfriend and now we don't spend a lot of time together, and i don't know who i can talk to but i need to talk to someone. Well im just looking for any advice really, sorry about the length.

[Benjamin Fry]

Iím very sorry about all the abuse you have suffered. You need to talk about it to someone that you can trust. Clearly this is not your mother right now.

The good news is that if you can begin to deal with these issues when you are still young then you have a good chance of not damaging too much of your adult life because of them. Start now and by the time you have a family you could make it the perfect one that you never had.

Please go and see your school counselling service. You really do need to talk in person to someone about your sexual abuse. You need help with this and you will find that you will be taken seriously and given total compassion and confidentiality. You deserve to have someone listen to you finally.