[jka]

Hello.

I have been reading today on your website hoping to find answers to my particular phobia.

I have a very strange fear - writing in public, termed scriptophobia. It happened to me the first time when I was 18. I was getting ready to fill out a check at a store and out of the blue I got so hot and shaky that I couldn't write at all. I felt so stupid and so low that it has affected my thoughts ever since. The woman who waited on me looked at me like I was crazy and I felt so stupid. I am now 36 years old and have overcome some obstacles, but think about the shaking daily. For example, I can write a check at a store, but if I have to do something "formal" like the bank, post office or fill out something at work in front of people, I immediately start getting nervous and worrying about shaking and then indeed, I do. I have been on prozac, but it seems like my body gets used to it and then the anxious feelings return.

What in the world is wrong with me and will I ever get over this? I feel like I had a panic attack when I was 18, but wonder why I have been so consumed with shaking and writing since then. I tell myself it is okay and that it won't happen or matter, but in fact, it does matter to me because it makes me look stupid, and insecure and just plain crazy. It is so humilating. A grown women who gets that nervous over nothing!

I had to go to the post office with my husband and 3 boys to get first time passports for the boys and myself. I wrote 3 checks and I could feel myself getting that feeling (plus I had stressed over it earlier). When it was time to sign the form for the passport, I got shaky and hot and ill feeling and I shook so hard the whole time I signed. It is a wonder they approved my signature! You know the teller wondered what in the world?? You would think I was giving a speech instead of writing my name like I have done for years.

Do you have any information that will help me?

Thank you for listening.

[Benjamin Fry]

Thereís no such thing as getting ìnervous over nothingî. Just as the balls move on a pool table according to how they are struck, your nervous system is following a predictable pattern of cause and effect. The problem that us ìneuroticsî face is how to identify the causes and how to be free of their effects.

Usually a very specific symptom like this is an unconscious clue to unresolved emotional issues from the past. These feelings will have been stored in the mind/body by the safety mechanism of trauma. This is something that the body wants to be rid of, but the conscious mind acts like a security guard over our feelings. The feelings that might otherwise be naturally let out (e-motion) get stuck inside and have to find other ways to get attention.

Yours in an interesting and very specific symptom. Iíd be curious about the role that anxiety has had to play in your life generally. Also, what does writing in public really mean to you? Can you remember any time in your early life when such issues may have been overwhelming? Was school a difficult experience? Was there public activity that you found humiliating? Did you learn to read and write at home in the family, and if so was there any broader family dynamic that this may have illustrated? Were there any difficulties in your childhood? Let me know if anything comes to mind.

If you can begin to locate where the emotional dysfunction started from then it is likely to be easier to address. Often once these issues are actually brought into conscious awareness they are much less threatening that they at first might seem.