[Benjamin Fry]

Depression can be a very serious illness and if you are concerned about yourself you should see a medical or mental health professional. If however you are not at that stage but just want an opinion on how to get out of a depressed state of mind I can offer you my own based on my experiences and the theories that I have about what happened in me.

It is generally accepted that the state of depression is one that the psycho-physical system goes into when it is trying to shut down its emotions. This of course produces a whole range of other emotions so itís not really that productive or useful. In fact, in my experience the original emotions that depression is working to avoid are usually much less unconformable than the experience of depression itself. This begs the question why do we do it?

To answer that you have to understand a little about the trauma mechanism that is found in many animals, including humans. We freeze our mind-body system when we are overwhelmed. This can take many forms and has degrees of seriousness. We might literally freeze from head to toe, or we might internalise this freezing by suddenly becoming emotionless at a time of great distress. It is the frozen emotions in this latter example that then come to haunt us in later life.

It is a natural consequence of our animal nature that we try to release this trauma. This results in the emergence of emotions (e-motion = moving out) which are unfreezing in our system once it is safe to do so. However, uniquely among animals, we have a conscious mind which observes this strange emergence of emotions and this itself becomes very frightening because we donít understand its source. This fear can then itself become a new source of trauma!

The only defence against this is a logical understanding of the process (since it is the lack of observed logic that frightens the conscious mind) and that is why I am outlining these steps to you. If you can tell yourself that all of your emotions are perfectly reasonable, whether you understand them or not, and understand that all of them are likely to be healing, whether you enjoy them or not, then they will pass a lot quicker and you will be less likely to fall into the defence mechanism of depression to avoid them.

In the meantime, part of the struggle when depressed is just to find the energy to get through a normal day. Make reasonable objectives for yourself (like to get up, wash, get dressed and get out of the house) and try to treat each one as a minor obstacle thus avoiding the despair of looking at larger ones.

Lying is an understandable defence against not liking who you are and therefore supposing that no-one else will like you. However men and women in relationships like to be trusted, even if it means that they are seeing the worst side of you. Often this is where the relationships actually cohere and deepen. If you can go back to this man and tell him the whole truth, perhaps it might help.

Lying is also very corrosive to your own sense of power and spiritual strength. Try to be rigorous in your attempts to avoid it. The truth might be hard to bear, but it can set you free.

If you can contact your own frozen and lost emotions, then you will find that regaining this contact with yourself will make you feel alive again. And since this is an experience that you can have with yourself any time you like, you will also enjoy the empowerment of not having to rely on a man to make you feel like that.

Try to experience a range of emotional, physical and spiritual exercises and eventually you will find ones that work for you. With a regular practice of these and a constant awareness that your emotions are really your friends, you should find that your life turns around and that the depressions are less frequent and less sever.