I feel like I have a real problem. I am in a relationship with a guy that I have dated twice before...I really do love this guy. The problem is that he makes my bloodpressure skyrocket almost on a daily basis. When he aggrivates me, I feel that my reactions are ligitimate, then after I calm down I wonder why I was not able to keep my cool. I have dated a lot of guys and no one else has ever managed to make me feel this way. For instance, his mother and I decided that we were going to stop drinking regular sodas. He asked me if I had drank any today and I said no...yes, just one. Then I asked him not to say anything to his mother. He said that he would as soon as he walked in the door. I asked him again very politely not to say anything and he replied "JESUS CHRIST! I'M NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING TO HER!" You know, I just didn't want her to know I had goofed up, and he made me feel so stupid afterwards. I know this is just a small taste of what I'm complaining about but it should give you an idea. Right now my heart is racing...and I hate it that he has the ability to make me that upset that quick over nothing. Please help me! I really want to do the right thing.
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anxiety levels rising new man
#2 Guest_Guest_*
Posted 17 September 2004 - 08:56 AM
I truly believe that you know the answer to your own question, but I'll say it truthfully: get out of this abusive relationship. Perhaps there is something in your past that makes you believe that being treated unkindly is a type of love. Well, it's not.
Talk to your closest friends. They can help tremendously.
Talk to your closest friends. They can help tremendously.
#3
Kristina555 
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Posted 17 September 2004 - 11:06 AM
i hate it when the people around you are so unpredictable and get your temper level on a rise. its like you just want everything to run smoothly but you dont know there reaction. i suggest hes maybe too confusing to live with and you could talk to him about it or how stupid i may sound probably to get out of the relationship b4 it gets really annoying. little things can lead to bigger things
#5
skyblue22
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Posted 18 September 2004 - 12:08 PM
Amen to all that...
Two very good books: "Women who love too much" and "Men who can't love". These books, in my opinion, stand out from the crowd because they deal with issues at a very deep and subtle level in a way that is easy to understand - in the end you can only change yourself, you can't change someone else. All the best
Two very good books: "Women who love too much" and "Men who can't love". These books, in my opinion, stand out from the crowd because they deal with issues at a very deep and subtle level in a way that is easy to understand - in the end you can only change yourself, you can't change someone else. All the best
#6
Benjamin Fry
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Posted 20 September 2004 - 03:09 PM
The interesting point here is that this is a man that you keep coming back to. You can see that on the surface this doesnít seem like such an attractive relationship. Otherís have suggested that you end it, but you have ñ twice before. What we should try to look at here is what is it about the dynamic of your relationship with this man that makes you so addicted to him? This in part explains why you love him so much.
The relationship is characterised by you as making your blood pressure skyrocket. Iím not sure if this is a sign of tension or anger, or both. Iím deducing that the emotion that goes with this is your anger. Yet the example you give is one in which you end up feeling stupid. Therefore you suggest that this relationship makes you feel inadequate and that your reaction to this can be explosive. I wonder if you have ever experienced these emotions before in your life.
Iíd be very interested to hear if these feelings were something that you might have been coming up against regularly in your childhood. Perhaps a parent or substitute made you feel less than adequate? Perhaps you always wanted to explode in anger but never felt safe to? Perhaps now you are getting your chance to release these repressed feelings, and this man is the perfect catalyst for getting you going?
In general when emotions get out of proportion to what is going on and hard to control, there is a reason and it relates to whatever has caused a reservoir of that same emotion to be stored up in your mind-body system. Your boyfriend is tapping into an emotional apparatus that is already under great internal pressure. That is why it gets you going so much. You need to come back to this man time and time again precisely because unconsciously you realise that he is helping you to contact these feelings that need to be released. However, consciously it all feels wrong and uncomfortable to you ñ hence your post. This tug of war between the unconscious desire for release and the conscious need for order keeps you stuck where you are today.
It would be better if you could use something else to try to reach the lost feelings from your past. Counselling is the usual route. But creative expression, exercise, yoga, meditation, journal writing (including this forum) are all good ways of getting the emotional system to start to do itís own emotional housekeeping. If you were doing this work on your own, then your boyfriend wouldnít need to be such an important part of driving you mad. You might find that you start to have a more even relationships with him, or indeed that the relationship no longer was attractive to you.
Either way, youíd be taking control of your own emotional processes and dealing with them safely on your own terms, which would be a step forward from where you are today.
The relationship is characterised by you as making your blood pressure skyrocket. Iím not sure if this is a sign of tension or anger, or both. Iím deducing that the emotion that goes with this is your anger. Yet the example you give is one in which you end up feeling stupid. Therefore you suggest that this relationship makes you feel inadequate and that your reaction to this can be explosive. I wonder if you have ever experienced these emotions before in your life.
Iíd be very interested to hear if these feelings were something that you might have been coming up against regularly in your childhood. Perhaps a parent or substitute made you feel less than adequate? Perhaps you always wanted to explode in anger but never felt safe to? Perhaps now you are getting your chance to release these repressed feelings, and this man is the perfect catalyst for getting you going?
In general when emotions get out of proportion to what is going on and hard to control, there is a reason and it relates to whatever has caused a reservoir of that same emotion to be stored up in your mind-body system. Your boyfriend is tapping into an emotional apparatus that is already under great internal pressure. That is why it gets you going so much. You need to come back to this man time and time again precisely because unconsciously you realise that he is helping you to contact these feelings that need to be released. However, consciously it all feels wrong and uncomfortable to you ñ hence your post. This tug of war between the unconscious desire for release and the conscious need for order keeps you stuck where you are today.
It would be better if you could use something else to try to reach the lost feelings from your past. Counselling is the usual route. But creative expression, exercise, yoga, meditation, journal writing (including this forum) are all good ways of getting the emotional system to start to do itís own emotional housekeeping. If you were doing this work on your own, then your boyfriend wouldnít need to be such an important part of driving you mad. You might find that you start to have a more even relationships with him, or indeed that the relationship no longer was attractive to you.
Either way, youíd be taking control of your own emotional processes and dealing with them safely on your own terms, which would be a step forward from where you are today.
visit benjaminfry.co.uk for more information on my work
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
support getstable.org for better mental health treatment in the UK
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