has anyone read this book?

has anyone read this book? Overcoming Shyness

#1 Guest_Kimbo_*

Group: Guests

Posted 26 August 2004 - 02:37 PM

Hi i was just wondering if anyone has read this book by Gillian Butler 'Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia' ?

Please let me know if you have, and also, if it is of any help before i get stuck in, i would like reviews if possible?

Also, do self help books really work?

Any comments?

Ta.

#2 Trying

Advanced Member

Group: Members
Posts: 30
Joined: 27-June 04

Posted 28 August 2004 - 11:47 AM

I have read that book, and like most of the Cognitive Therapy ones, it's full of very useful information. Whether it is any good or not depends entirely on what you expect to get out of it. It is a very enjoyable, practical book with page after page of sound advice, but it may or may not help you with your shyness. This is simply because everybody is different and we will all find our "cure" in our own ways. I have recently thrown out all my self-help books, because I realised I was making the same mistake with each one I bought - I was unconciously saying to myself "there is something wrong with me, and this book will fix it, and THEN I will love myself" But actually life works the other way round - you cannot expect to change (self-help or no self-help), until YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF AS YOU ARE, first. Try to bear that in mind as you read the book.

Don't do what I did and expect the book to remove your anxiety, fear, blushing etc. I swear to you I am wiser than the person who wrote that book! So from me to you, PLEASE REMEMBER... The trick is to QUIETLY LOVE YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES (IE: never judge yourself), and NOT TO CARE when embarrasing things happen (this greatly reduced anxiety anyway) - assign the event to history immediately, then try again.

T

#3 Guest_will_*

Group: Guests

Posted 23 October 2005 - 03:10 PM

Hi,
I know you wrote that nearly a year ago and i dont know if you still log in to this site but i just want to know how you start to love yourself? i think my problem is that i blush so i feel more worthless than everybody else, i feel that i'm a nice person and i have a boyfriend who worships me but i still have to ask why! if anyone can give me some tips on how to like myself i'd be very grateful

#4 Guest_george_*

Group: Guests

Posted 04 November 2005 - 03:42 AM

i'm really not the person to be answereing this question, well actually i sort of am in a weird way. i'm just coming up to 20 years old next month, and about 5 years ago i was the most unconfident person you could emigine. was at a well know bording school with a whole lot of boys much more mature than me, for example taller, were starting to shave, had six packs etc. it was tough being the smallest in the year. so in the summer before the gcse year i decided to change myself. i started smoking because it was the social thing to do, i started going to the gym and i grew my hair, with in about 2 months i had changed phicically so much it was a little scary. next on the ingenda was changing my character. i prentened to be arogant, cool, un flusted my anything, prended that work didn't matter etc. basically your sterotypical popular school boy. i have now been pretending for about 5 years and in a way it worked, i come across as umbeleivablely confident, i'm good looking (a modle in fack) i'm bright at bristol uni, and i have a lot of femail interest. but for some reason i'm so unhappy. it doesn't make sence to me at all i'v turned in to the person i always wanted to be. but yet i'm unhappy. i beleive the reason to be because i'm living a lie, everything i say is bullshit, its not "me" saying it, its this creation of mine and i hate it. people i think are begining to realise this aswell guys really don't like me much again don't understand why not, people some times say that its because there'r jealous of me or something like that. i don't know. maybe they are but they are deluded. everyting resently has gone wrong as well actually everyting has alwys gone wrong. not really badly but you know when lots of little things just keep fucking up it becomes an issue you thing everything is aganst you. and it probaly is aganst me. trying to convince me to change back to my old self but i'm terrified of my old self, but i'm becing so bloody depressed that i don't know what else to do, so that is what i'm going to do... but i can't remember who i was! i am no one, i have no one. i always thought that my best friend who i'v know since i was 4 would always be there for me... how wrong was i! haven't spoken to him in a year. i alway considered our friend ship so stong that i didn't need to make new friends. so in short i don't have that skill. so sad. so to answere your question a little you can change you'r self become someone else. you will love your self for a while and then crash things will burn like they'v never burnt before. so my advice is to look in the mirror and find your self. don't try to hard because you will come up with a forced fony and then you will turn out a little like me. god forbid! so please just be happy with yourself and no one else.
on your own you are stronger than you can possiable emigine. beleive in your self take corrage and confidence form you boy friend. a proper girl friend is some thing i'v never been able to obtain because i push anyone who likes me away before you can say i like to smoke!
any way hope alls good now
george