[star]

Thank you so much for your reply. (social phobia posted on the 2nd July 04)

I went for a CBT Assessment and they said that CBT will help me, but, there
is a 18 month waiting list, i cant possibly wait 18 months to be cured, i
want to get over this silly anxiety and relax.


One more question and im sorry to keep going on, do you think, the only way
i can overcome this is by having CBT Or some kind of therapy, or is there a
chance i can get over this myself? i know i can read books and things, but
as these anxietys are in my mind, do u think it is possible for me to sort
my own thoughts out? my friend (who is extremly confidant but not overly
so, just relaxed and happy in herself, how i want to be) said that she used
to be really shy and that she just thought one day she wont get anywhere
like that, and so she sorted it out????

I spoke to my mum too, and she said, as a child, i was very forward, cheeky and outspoken, i can tell this by looking at photos too, that i was extremly confidant. I dont know if shyness is something you are born with or if it just happens. My mum cant understand the way im feeling, because i was never like this as a child?

I look forward to your reply.
Thanks

[Delh2]

Star,
I hope you are feeling less anxiety now, but if you still feel the same, please see your doctor for some medication as soon as possible.

Best wishes

[Trying]

Dear Star,

I beg to disagree with DELH2's advice. Though we mean well when we say "go to the doctor", when we say this we unintentionally send you, the sufferer, entirely the wrong message. Doctors, even the nice ones, ultimately DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU! You have to see life as it is. YOU are the only one in the world you can ever really trust in. You must be your best friend at all times. Social anxiety or whatever you wish to call it is not an illness - it's not even a problem. You just don't trust yourself. PLEASE don't put too much faith in 'things out there' to help you. The actual answer to fear and anxiety is so rediculously daft and simple... you'll realise it's been staring you in the face since the day you were born. Look for it, and you'll find it. Hint: Er, it's got something to do with accepting yourself as you are...

Trying

[Delh2]

Your disagreement with me is entirely welcome. I simply meant for some temporary relief, medication is often a welcome relief from the constant mental anguish. Then, you will be directed to decrease your dosages slowly until you no longer need them. By then you will have sorted things out on your own. The medication is a way to give your brain a needed time out from overwork and overanxiety...it needs a bit of a rest right now, temporarily.

Our doctors are more than caring and concerned with your symptoms. Usually, they give their phone numbers if you have questions between appointments. A therapist may be available on an emergency basis...just to give you someone to talk to and from whom to get some coping strategies.

Best wishes and good health,
Delh2

[Trying]

I would agree, if you are really suffering from quite dibilitating anxiety symptoms, then I guess a doctor should step in. Sure, many doctors are very sympathetic and understanding, but this just isn't enough when it comes to your mental well-being. They cannot turn off your doubt and self-criticising - only you can do that. Doctors know about medicine. They have you in and out of their office in under 10 minutes, so they listen to your problem for 2 minutes and prescribe medicine. But I've read countless articles that say that the vast majority who come off the drugs go back to how they were before. This is a very serious issue because the only people benefiting in the long run are the pharmaceutical companies. I'll hazard a guess that most of the people discussing social anxiety issues on this site are just like me - and the problem is far more in the realms of a spiritual, self-acceptance kind. If you spend your life taking librium you'll never really address what the real missing link is in your life. We must change our relationship to fear, not run to the doc to try to run away from it!

[Delh2]

I agree totally, but I'm not talking about drugs like librium. There are other, more minor medications available, that are not to be taken for the long term. Therapists and psychologists have much longer appointment times here. Usually 30 minutes to 1 hour per patient. However, our family doctors zip you in and out in 10 minutes just as you said.

Thanks for the reply.

Delh2

[Trying]

Hi there,

Well, there are a million and one things I could say that I've tried, but only 1 or 2 things that I think are really important. The thing about advice is, it often does little good, because advice is learnt from experience. Therefore, I could learn something, give you the key, but you wouldn't know what I know. You'd have to undergo the journey I did to get the advice!

For me though, I'm really getting somewhere by just TAKING THE PRESSURE OFF MYSELF. Yes, anxiety and shyness can be horrible and we'd rather get rid of it, but that in itself is a very very difficult thing to achieve, and the chances are we won't be able to do it because we are only human. We are actually trying to grapple with something beyond us. If we knew how, we'd just do it. That is why it seems so UNFAIR when you are shy, and others are not. It's just too much.

You probably invent ways of overcoming it every day, but usually you are simply coping with it. It is difficult and tiresome and leaves you emotionally drained. I'd imagine that, like me, you may try different approaches with people each day to see if you can be more outgoing and assertive. When we do this we are continually looking for signs that PROVE to us (and others) that we are confident, but deep down we don't think we are. We hold out hope, but actually expect to fail. Therefore, even if something miraculous does happen, we'll probably miss it. We're programmed to expect the worst, and that's what we believe always happens. This sets up the perfect atmosphere for you to attack yourself time and time again in, after you continually fail to be what you want to be.

But if you give yourself a break, things are different.

Perhaps you want something more obviously practical than that. That would be normal. We want the statement that holds all the answers, which is why we like self-help and confidence courses, and feel-good advice. But believe me you set up a life of torture if you don't love yourself as you are, with your problems first.

Not easy, but that's what I'm currenty LEARNING how to do, and it's great! I can taste real freedom, and the shyness and social anxiety really isn't as important, because I realised what was REALLY scaring me was me! I was frightened about what I'd do to myself after I'd 'failed' at a social encounter. Now I know I won't attack myself afterward, I don't seem to worry so much. Every moment is immediately history, and a moment that matters no more.