I need and I want understand how I'd be able to understand or rather process the information I read. I have tried to read the book : 'Whats Wrong with you' but the information never really stays. After I read something, the content of the previous sentence just don't seem to stay. Just this week I decided that I have to start studying so as the complete my A's next June. I found myself in a situation I've never really felt or found myself in though this situation seem to have occured before--I can't do the really simple question and was distracted,irritated and anxious.
Now, my head feels stable and warm. I no longer talk to people in my head, although for some rare occassions when I remember those people, I'd still talk to them. These people are those I believe I wanted care and concern, love perhaps. Or rather, I felt I can be happier. For the few months after withdrawing form school, I was always anxious and talking to people in my head.
Could my incapability to read now be linked to my belief of a 'trauma'? I used learn by pure 'programming' the information into myself since 10years old as far as I can remember. When I can't anymore, I'd just automatically tried to talk to myself, persuade myself , cuddle myself into studying again. When I was around 18, it was evident that the boat just can't be kept stable anymore. I played to myself hard rock music like Nostradamus ( the pure instrumental one) over and over again.
In addition, I did not want myself to feel , and I did not( I think this caused my sensation of coldness).
I'm afraid I'd get cold again, and really hope that that I can get strong again ( It was just 4 yrs ago that I topped my whole cohort). I want to be able to understand what I read again. Just daringly write the questions you have for me if you can help me.
btw, at this point of time, I have a floating sensation in my head which seems to happen when I recall things of the past. I also feel emotionally detached.
