[little]

I just joined the forum from a search i did on how to deal with an unattentive husband. I have been married almost 21 years and i love my husband dearly. Not too long ago i was very unhappy with my husband from lack of attention. we seperated and now we are back together but most of the time i feel it's only because of the kids. He's not really here for me. I have very big self esteem issuse due to weight and no teeth. So when he doesn't show me attention i get very low on self worth. this weekend is my birthday weekend and he asked me what i wanted for my birthday. I told him i wanted his undivided attention. Well guess what. Right now he is outside with the neighbors drinking a beer and hanging out. I'm alone in the house. He won't be home for my birthday so i was hoping he would spend this weekend with me. Well i was wrong. I feel so hurt i don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any advice for helping me deal with the pain . I tried to do away with myself before and that's never again an option. I just need to know how to be ok with the fact he doesn't want to be with me

[wildflower]

little, on 27 February 2010 - 09:58 PM, said:

I just joined the forum from a search i did on how to deal with an unattentive husband. I have been married almost 21 years and i love my husband dearly. Not too long ago i was very unhappy with my husband from lack of attention. we seperated and now we are back together but most of the time i feel it's only because of the kids. He's not really here for me. I have very big self esteem issuse due to weight and no teeth. So when he doesn't show me attention i get very low on self worth. this weekend is my birthday weekend and he asked me what i wanted for my birthday. I told him i wanted his undivided attention. Well guess what. Right now he is outside with the neighbors drinking a beer and hanging out. I'm alone in the house. He won't be home for my birthday so i was hoping he would spend this weekend with me. Well i was wrong. I feel so hurt i don't know what to do.
Does anyone have any advice for helping me deal with the pain . I tried to do away with myself before and that's never again an option. I just need to know how to be ok with the fact he doesn't want to be with me

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, I was able to turn it around. I read a fantastic article called 'A Buddhists Perspective on Relationships' by E. Canfor Dumas. I'll try and condense it for you here, it was essentially saying no one will love you, until you love yourself. Learn to find happiness deep inside you, relying on loved ones to provide happiness is a sure way of never finding deep happiness within your life, because everything changes e.g. children grow up, people die etc.
we should aim to become happy, strong and independent, and then found a relationship on that basis.
Hope this information can help you as much as it did me,
All the best