[Lucky]

Hello Benjamin,

I just started reading your Book "What's wrong with you" and can say that is the first book that I can take something in from.
English is my third language so I might have some mistakes in my spelling, please accept my apologies.

I don't know where to start...

My mum passed away when I was 13 and my life fell apart. My dad was a very reserve person and never showed his love or parentual attention, he died 5 years after my mum Actually it started even before my mum died, I always felt that I am worthless or just deserved to be hurt by people and when my mum died I just shut my feeling down, tears away from people, only cry to sleep when I was/am alone in the room. It is still hauting me my childhood trauma (I understand that it comes from the early age by reading your book). When my mum died I needed someone to understand me or just be near me while I could cry or tell how I felt, but I only hid my feelings, never showed to anyone even my dad and two my oldest sisters.

I was raped once by my sisters's friend and couldn't trust my sisters too, even didn't tell them because I felt it was my fault, but I didn't do anything to provoke it, honestly. Then I had an abortion a year later.

I am married now and have a wonderful husband and I got pregnant and was so over the moon as I have so much love to a child (except for myself), but unfirtunately I had a miscarriage 2 months ago. I don't know but in one message I can't put everything down what happened to me but I just need a first step of your advise so I could open my heart and start feeling happy and living.
I am not happy and never was, but unfortunately pusshing away people I love, like my husband.
I would appreciate your reply with any kind of advice.

Many thanks, Lucky.

[Benjamin Fry]

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage from a very difficult life and that this has stayed with you becasue it is so painful to open up and talk to people about it.

Could you perhpas try to take that first step to talk to someone?